At first, I shook him softly, then when nothing happened I shook him so hard that his head started flinging back and forth. “GET UP!” After slowing down the shaking I sat back on my knees. A sharp sob left my throat as tears rained down my cheeks. “Get up,” I whimpered. “Get up.”
Those were the only two words I could get out. “Get up.”
At one point I was sobbing so hard that I couldn’t breathe. A dull ache formed in my rib cage and I had to press my hand against it to make it go away. Wailing, tears fell into my mouth and the salty taste from them tickled my taste buds. “Colin.” My voice was barely above a whisper. “Get up.”
As the waterworks kept flowing, I pulled my legs to my chest and curled up into a tight ball. I felt numb. And what made things worse was if he actually—I still couldn’t say it—this all happened because he saved my life. He pulled me away from that boulder. At that very moment, I would have rather been crushed by it. “You should have let me die,” I said with a detached tone.
Now I was alone. And now, more than ever, I was terrified. Colin knew his way around up here. He knew how to get back to the colony. I was completely co-dependent on him. How would I get back? What could I do? And I couldn’t just leave his body here. I could hear the council members in the back of my mind. “If he’s gone, leave him.” That’s exactly what Mr. Baker would say. His distasteful frown presented itself in my head when I came to the conclusion of what I had to do next.
Whether the council agreed with me or not, Colin was someone’s child. He was a person. Not just a scrap that you tossed along the side of the road and waited for someone to clean up. And he died—I finally said it—saving my life. He would not be a meal for a cannibal. I would not leave his body up here to rot. He was coming back to the colony with me. And I’d tell Mr. Baker, if he decided to put in his two cents, that he could shove his words right up his ass.
Sliding closer, I wrapped my arms around Colin and held him. I tightened my grip around his back and sobbed again. If this was the last day I was going to spend with Colin Martin, I was going to make it count. Removing my face mask, I planted my lips on his forehead, allowing them to linger there for a moment.
After I pulled away, I pushed his beautiful, midnight colored hair away from his face and just gazed at him. He was beautiful in life and even beautiful in death. I brushed my fingers against his creamy, smooth cheek, finally resting them in the crook of his neck. I stared, lost in a daze, at his long eyelashes. The way the brightness in the sky reflected off them made them shimmer. I took off his face mask and his profound, chiseled jawline was contorted at angle that made the muscles in chin flex.
Normally, I was a guarded person. I kept everything inside, too afraid that if I let out how I was really feeling, it might make me seem weak. In the world we lived in, the weak didn’t last. They were picked off one by one—either eaten before our colony was established—or cast out because they had nothing to contribute or because they couldn’t contribute.
It was safe to let it all out now. There was no one here to really hear me, except for Colin. And as much as I hated to keep thinking it, I had to accept that, Colin was dead.
I nestled my head in the fold of his elbow and peered directly into his closed eyes. “I’m so sorry I was so nasty to you. I never meant to be that way,” I admitted. “I’ve never been really comfortable expressing the way I feel.” More tears rolled out of my eyes and I wiped the wetness off of my cheeks. “The truth of it is, that I have always liked you. I’ve have always felt something for you. Something more than anything that I could ever explain,” I sniffled.Finally, I snuggled up close to him, kissing his cheek. Then I leaned in, my lips right above his ear. “I loved you.” That was the honest to God truth. I felt terrible that I couldn’t admit it to myself until now.
There were times when I’d see him and just a small smirk on his lips would make my heart flutter. And when he touched me, even if it was only him brushing against me as I walked to the mess hall, It felt like every one of my limbs was on fire, and like there was an electric voltage in my legs, causing me to charge forward, and at the same time my brain was telling me that I needed to be closer to him.
Exhaling, a wave of relief washed over me. I had been holding everything in for so long that it was really starting to bother me. I would have cracked eventually and it was better that I told him. Even if he couldn’t actually hear me.
Seconds later, I rolled Colin onto his back and laid down on top of him. Just a few more minutes. I just wanted to lay with him for a few more minutes before I dragged his body back. Before I dealt with Mr. Baker. And before I gave Colin’s parent’s the bad news, that their son was dead. “You’re lucky, you know,” I stated as I placed my head on his chest, “You’re free of this awful world that we live in.” I laughed. “You might even be able to float on a cloud if you want to. Imagine what that would be like?”
Sighing, I squeezed him as hard as I could, my ear to his chest, never wanting to let go. And as I inhaled softly, debating on when I should pry myself away from him, that was when I heard it. A soft, repetitive thumping. The sound of a heartbeat.
Chapter 7: TrickyTricky
Ye shall be as Gods, knowing good and evil. ~ Genesis 3.5
At first, I thought I was delusional. I was so overcome with grief I thought I might be having some sort of screwed up fantasy, but as I pressed my ear harder into his chest, and I heard it loud and clear. A heartbeat. And it wasn’t mine…
It was Colin’s.
My head whipped upward and I scowled at him, “Oh, no.”I scrambled backwards, getting to my feet and peered down at him as he let out a gust of air from his lungs.
“Georgie,” he wheezed. Then he caught his breath and sinister smirk spread across his lips. “Did I ever tell you I was on the swim team in high school? Did you know that I held the record for holding my breath under water the longest.”
My breaths were short and rapid. My cheeks were red and tingling. None of this was funny. I was seconds away from killing him all over again. And this time it would be for real.
“Do you know what that record was?” Colin went on.
“No,” I said, grinding my teeth together.
“Three. Whole. Minutes,” he bragged as he sat upright. Then he began laughing. He laughed so loud the sound of his deep voice echoed off of the piles of rubble surrounding us. “You were like a depressing record,” he said in between laughs, “I never knew you were so emotional.” Colin rose to his feet and wiped the dust from his clothes. “You’re lucky, he mocked. “You’re free of this awful world that we live in.” Again more la
ughter. He hunched over and hugged his sides to catch his breath.
And me, I was fuming.
That was a cruel, wicked, evil prank to play on someone. To play dead like that, especially in the situation we were in was…. I couldn’t even come up with more words. The only thing I was focused on was how much I despised him at that very moment.
“You’re a jerk!” I yelled.
Colin exhaled, still smiling. He walked over and placed his hands on shoulders. “Calm down. It was just a joke.”