My sobbing escalates and I see the tears fall from my eyes and rain down my bare legs. I tuck myself into a tighter ball and wail louder to drown out the Shhh sound that's coming from behind me.
Shhh?
Shhh?
Who is shushing me?
I lift my head warily, peeking over my shoulder. Damien sits behind me, his strong right hand flat to my back. He moves his hand lower, to the small of my back and rubs gently, “Don't cry my love,” he murmurs. “You know how much I hate to see you cry.”
I tuck my head in between my knees again. “Just go away!” I scream. “I know you're not real!”
“But I am real,” he insists. “Adelaide, look at me.”
“No.”
“Please just look at me. I can prove that I'm real.”
“No.”
“So stubborn,” he hisses under his breath and I know along with that comment and hiss, there's a smirk on his lips. He moves both hands up my back, grips onto both of my shoulders and spins me around to face him. I don't meet his gaze because I know if I do, I'll be lost forever to uncharted waters of blue. I'll drown in those waters. I am certain of it. “Adelaide, look at me.”
Shaking my head, I tuck it further between my knees and wrap both arms around the back of my head, securing it there.
I know Damien though. I know him better than I know myself sometimes and the one thing I know about him more than anything is his persistence. “You know I won't give up until you look at me, Addy.”
“I know,” I mutter, my voice muffled by two limbs and bare skin.
“Then why don't you save yourself the trouble and look at me.”
“Because I don't want to.”
“You're lying.”
He's right. I am lying. It's funny how he always knows it. All I can think about right now is gazing into the watery depths of his eyes, touching his toasted almond skin, and brushing my lips against his.
But I know I shouldn't.
I can't.
I won't.
Because I know if I meet his gaze it will break me apart.
Bit by bit.
Inch by inch.
It will rip me to pieces.
Numb my mind.
And shatter my heart.
I'll succumb t
o the illusion of the boy I once loved and live in delusion and a part of me knows I can't live in the past. As much as I want to, I can't. I loved Damien. I loved him with every breath I took. And as much as it hurts to erase him from my mind, I know I have to.
“Addy, please,” Damien pleads. “Just look at me.”