“I’m not shaming you, Mom. I wanted to give you options. If you don’t love Bill—”
Again she brusquely cut me off. “Love isn’t always enough, is it?” She held my gaze and my lips clamped shut. “You love Cam. You haven’t told me the story yet, but you’re here and not there with him. Bill provides. In two years, this house will be paid off. Bill thinks it’s his, but the deed and loan he’s paying is in my name.”
I let loose a laugh that scared away some of my worry.
“That’s right,” she continued. “He might not think I’m so smart—”
“But you are,” I finished.
“I am. And I’ve got plans.” She wasn’t done. “Don’t make the same mistake that I did.” When I stared in puzzlement, she said, “I didn’t fight for your father.”
I gaped at her. “He cheated and left you for another woman.”
She agreed. “A younger woman. But that’s not the point. I thought that he should love me and fight for us. But I didn’t give him reason too.” I frowned. “A man needs to know you love him just as we want to feel it. I stood back and let her take him without a word.”
“He didn’t have to…cheat.”
I hated the word.
“No, he didn’t. But I could I have told him how much he meant to me. Instead, I did nothing to stop it. I was the good wife and didn’t complain, but I also didn’t give anything outside of that either. I wanted him to want me without letting him know I still wanted him to. Men have feelings even when they act like an ass.”
I wasn’t going to forgive my father that easily.
“He’s not off the hook,” I said.
“No, he’s wrong. But I could have done more. Just a simple I love you might have reminded him why he shouldn’t cross that line. I hadn’t known better.”
Mom had been just out of high school when she met my father. He was older and charming and promised to take care of her. Her parents hadn’t been affectionate in front of each other at least I’d never seen it. They’d never said a kind word to each other in the years I’d known them before they’d passed on.
She patted my hand. “If you want to stay married to him, you fight for him.”
I glanced up into her knowing eyes.
“You saw?”
She nodded. “He’s good boy, Christina. Don’t be afraid to love like I was. You don’t want to end up like me.”
We had a good cry and it gave me a lot to think about. I laid in bed that afternoon, thinking about all she’d said. I’d thought my mother weak, when in fact, she was a survivor.
Chapter 11
Two long days later I picked up my phone and played the voice messages that I’d ignored.
The first one was from Cam…
“Chris,” Cam said, not daring to call me Chrissy. “Please call me back.”
I felt a chill and immediately missed the warmth in his arms.
The next one was not ten minutes later. “You promised you wouldn’t run.”
There were more, like Call me, Give us a chance, and a simple Please.
But it was the last one that tore my heart in pieces.
“I feel like I’ve been chasing you all my life. I’m going to finally take the hint and let you go. I’ll have my lawyer draw up annulment papers.”
I couldn’t hit his contact information fast enough, but the call immediately went to voicemail.
There wasn’t time to waste. All my doubt disappeared realizing I might have lost him. How could I have been so dumb and afraid. I snatched my keys calling to my mother that I was leaving as I ran for my life. Just as I clawed the door open with trembling fingers, there she was smiling.
“Go get go him honey,” she called back.
I might have broken the sound barrier as I drove to the practice field. It was early enough, I could reach him. I was glad my press badge was still in my purse. I’d submitted my in depth article yesterday, but had ignored my editors calls afraid I’d hear the words that I’d been fired.
“Miss,” the guard said, “You do know the game is out of town this week. The team isn’t here.”
I blamed hormones for my sudden burst of tears. How I’d messed up everything out of fear? I’d reasoned so long that staying away would protect me from heartache when I was hurting myself all the same.
The drive back to my apartment was the shorter option than Mom’s.
It smelled like a flower shop when I walked in. Dozens of roses in all colors covered the kitchen island as they drooped in their vases.
Jillian had done her own disappearing act. We’d spoken briefly and she was spending the weekend with rich old guy. So much for a good sistery cry. Eddie was still on his honeymoon, which left one other person I wanted to talk to.