Part of me hoped that the best sex of my life had come for me. As if fate granted me a gift, my first for the new year, Mr. Tall, Hard, and Fuck Me walked out of the hotel. I shimmied down in my seat before his gaze could possibly lock onto mine.
The drive shouldn’t have been long, but with Times Square attendees finding other places to go, the streets were packed. The ride was awful for my still rebelling stomach. With every bump and turn, I battled not to puke.
Once home, Lizzy made me a cup of ginger tea and I warmed my hands around the mug. The blanket wrapped around me was added comfort while I sat in a chair next to the gas fireplace and stared absently at my friend.
“So, tell me, why did we have to leave that amazing party?” she asked with her fist underneath her chin. I was grateful she didn’t seem pissed.
I had to give her bonus points for not pressing me on the ride home and waiting until I’d showered like someone needing cleansing from potential radiation poisoning, changed, and brushed my teeth before finally asking me what the hell my problem was, in such a nice-Lizzy way.
“I had sex in the bathroom,” I blurted, though I knew how this conversation would play out.
Perched directly across from me, Lizzy didn’t react right away. Her legs hung lazily over the side of one arm. Eyes wide, she leaned forward as if she were about to tell a secret. “With the guy from the dance floor you left with?”
I nodded as the weight of my actions tightened my chest.
“Holy shit, Bails. Was it good? Did you come?”
Leave it to my best friend to want details.
“That isn’t the point,” I cried, feeling the bite of tears at my slut-shaming choice. “I had sex with a guy I don’t even know.”
Rolling her eyes and waving her hand, she said, “Bails, you deserve a good shag. Just tell me. Was it great or what?”
Unable to lie to my best friend, I paused. How had it been? I’d been so filled with regret, I hadn’t given that question any consideration until now.
“It was phenomenal,” I whispered, the confession falling off my tongue as I admitted it not only to her but to myself.
“Then what the fuck?” she said. “No pun intended.” She chuckled to herself as I got more irritated by the second. I started to push to my feet.
Lizzy had no idea of the baggage I carried. The rules of behavior that had been beaten into me hadn’t disappeared after I’d left the community. They’d played a role in every decision I made even after the fact.
“Wait, Bails. I’m sorry. It’s just you’re all worked up over nothing. You deserve this. After everything that asshole, Scott, put you through. I bet he never made you come in the three years you two were together.”
The mention of Scott should have brought tears to my eyes. I’d loved him, hadn’t I? Yet I was numb. Maybe I never loved him? Or had I stayed in that relationship because of my upbringing?
Then Lizzy’s words came back to me. Curiosity won over my conscience for a second. Had Scott ever made me come? The question should be ridiculous. We’d been together so long. Our sex life had been fine. Hadn’t it? Maybe I was still too drunk because I was fuzzy on the details.
Only thinking about sex brought me back to my encounter with the stranger, who remained nameless, a reminder that a scarlet A should be embroidered on my chest, or rather an S for slut.
What the hell had I done?
It had started on the dance floor, the way he sparked fantasies in me. His body fit perfectly with mine despite his height. The way he moved against me I’d been driven into lust. He’d barely had to touch me to set me ablaze. The line of fire he created headed directly to my core. And when the explosion melted me down, he must have seen it. Desire had burned bright in his eyes too.
When he’d begun to lead me from the dance floor, I’d gone willingly with the promise of more to come. And I had come, three, maybe four times. Scott had never made me have multiple orgasms. That much I was sure of.
“Bails…” From a distance, I thought I heard my name. “Bailey!” Lizzy’s near shouting brought me out of my internal thoughts and I stopped twisting the braided ring on my right hand that I hadn’t ever taken off. She didn’t often say my whole name, so I lifted my head, feeling a blush cross my cheeks. A sly grin played on her mouth. “Tell me all now, or I’ll kick you out of my house,” she declared teasingly.