Made him really, really need a fucking cigarette.
His shoulders drooped. None of this shit even mattered. The way Max reacted to his proposal last night made it pretty freaking clear he wasn’t interested. Thing was, Max hadn’t just said no thanks, he’d gotten really fucking mad. Which honestly kind of confused Sean. Because he knew Max liked him. Had no doubt. Had seen that look in his eyes with countless others. And not just guys who wanted to screw, but the ones who actually wanted to date, too. The look that said, “I want you. Really fucking badly.” Sean knew it like the back of his hand. So why would the fact that he had the same feelings even remotely piss Max off? If nothing else, he should take it as a compliment. But instead, Max straight-up blew his top, like Sean had insulted him or something.
God, it made no sense. Although, that was kind of the way Max rolled. He rarely made sense. Was ever unpredictable. And that quick fucking fuse of his didn’t help.
Sean frowned. Why was Max so temperamental anyway?
For the last couple months, Sean had just accepted it, that his Dom was, well, naturally broody. But as of late he couldn’t help wondering why Max was that way to begin with. Why he was so guarded. Why certain things set him off. Why relationships not only didn’t interest him but literally made the guy sick. Sean was curious by nature, sure, but it was more than that. Max’s behavior was starting to resonate. Sinking into his awareness, week by week, bringing to realization something important.
Max wasn’t happy.
And hadn’t been for a while.
On a very deep and fundamental level.
What else could explain such an ingrained disposition? So inherently angry and withdrawn? Sean thought back to what Scott said to him a few weeks earlier. That Max wasn’t “typical,” that his “edges were sharp.” That when people tried to fuck with his little steel bubble, he lashed out like a “cornered animal.”
Sean mulled that over as he stared at Max’s picture, realizing that’s what happened last session. Sean had jabbed at his comfort zone and Max had gone on the offense. But why? Why the fuck did it make him so angry? So defensive. Sean didn’t understand.
Sure, he could speculate till the cows came home—a past cheating boyfriend, or one that abused him, maybe a really hostile environment between his parents. But unless Max decided to suddenly start sharing, Sean would never really know for sure.
A reality that didn’t sit well with him. Not because he was nosey and merely wanted to know Max’s business, but because he truly cared about the guy. He was falling for Max. Falling for him hard. So knowing he was troubled really bothered Sean.
He wanted to make Max happy. He could make Max happy.
Max just needed to give him a chance.
He pursed his lips. His heart picked up speed. Max said he wasn’t interested. Said he didn’t want a man. But clearly that was only because he didn’t fucking know. How good they could be together. How content Sean could make him. That he didn’t need to go solo anymore.
Solo.
Sean sighed as he slowly rocked the tray. He’d been going solo for a long time, too. Never had a real boyfriend. No one interested him that way. Probably because most only wanted his dick, while the others threw their hearts at his feet. Right off the bat, without getting to know him. Which naturally made him doubt their true feelings. They didn’t love him. They loved his body. His face. His confidence, his charisma. His whatever.
But even though he probably came across as pretty shallow—only willing to share his dick and nothing else—the truth of the matter was pretty much the opposite. No guy would ever even make it to Sean’s table if he couldn’t refrain from acting on his attraction. If he couldn’t hold off and get to know Sean first, exhibit an interest in more than skin-deep looks.
But he’d also have to make Sean want to get to know him, too. Present himself as a challenge. Stimulate Sean’s mind. Make him crave not just his body, but his time. Because in Sean’s eyes, the only guy even worth the effort was the guy who made Sean work for it, too. For his attention. For his affection. Only then could Sean believe. That it was more than just sex. More than physical attraction. That he was giving himself away to the right person.
A scenario, as it were, he was beginning to realize fit his and Max’s dynamic to a T. Which, bottom line, meant it was time to start working for it. Really, truly giving it his all. Because Max was that guy, the one worth the effort.
Sean drew in a breath, eyes still locked on Max’s face. That’s it. No more pussyfooting. No more backing down so easily. He’d go see Max tomorrow, after his shift at Vanilla Black, and talk to the guy “off the clock.” In other words, outside of a session. Because the way he saw it, their Dom/sub dynamic was probably half of the problem. Half of the reason Sean’s past attempts had tanked. Their roles were just too scripted, too unyielding in the dungeon—making conceding to Max way too fucking natural.