At one point, looking as though he’d needed a break from the razzing, Tad had pulled Breck aside, needing to ‘give him his belated birthday present.’ He’d brought Breck into his bedroom and swiped a paper bag off his desk…
“Here. Green Apple Smirnoff.” Tad handed it over with a smile. “Because friends don’t let friends destroy their livers with crappy, cheap stuff.”
“Thanks,” Breck laughed. “My favorite. And I take supplements, remember? So I’m good.”
Tad nodded and glanced away, looking sheepish.
Breck grinned. “What.”
“Nothing.”
Breck lifted a brow.
Tad fidgeted, then stifled a laugh. “Confession time. This is actually your birthday present take two.”
Breck canted his head, confused. “Take two?”
“Yeah. I… kinda drank the first one… When I got home… after bailing from the club.”
“You drank the whole thing? All by yourself?”
“Yeah,” Tad muttered. “Hence our matching hangovers yesterday.”
“Damn,” Breck chuckled. He regarded the bottle. “Why the hell would you drink so fucking much?”
“I… was pissed.”
Breck eyed him. “At who?”
Tad shrugged a little. “Myself… And Scott. The way he was hanging out with those guys. I just… wanted to be with him so fucking bad… but I didn’t know how.”
Before Breck could stop himself, he thought of Kai, instantly relating. “I’m glad you two worked it out.”
Tad met his gaze and smiled. “Me, too.”
He looked so happy.
Breck’s heart thumped. “Can I ask you something?”
Tad’s smile wavered. He probably thought Breck was readying to razz him, too.
Nope. Just trying to work a few things out.
Just needed to do it subtly.
“When’d you figure out that you liked him… like that?”
Tad blinked, looking lowkey surprised. “Oh… Uh…” He scratched his cheek. “I’m not really sure… I mean… I think a part of me kinda knew right from the start.”
“Seriously?” Breck eyed him. “Even though you thought you were straight?”
“I said a part of me,” Tad laughed. “But in the beginning, that part of me was mostly just really confused. We met under some pretty crazy circumstances, which made it kinda hard to tell.”
“Crazy how?”
Tad fought back a smile. “Let’s just say I wasn’t exactly thinking straight at the time.”
Breck frowned, not sure what he meant, but decided not to ask. Tad clearly didn’t want to go into the details. Nodding, he set the bottle down and slid his hands into his pockets. “Alright, so eventually you figured it out… but what ultimately made you decide to cross that line? I mean, suspecting you’ve got it bad for another guy and actually acting on that are two entirely different things.”
Tad flushed, then mumbled, “Define crossing that line.”
Breck quirked a brow.
“Never mind.” Tad stifled a laugh. “I know what you mean. The heart stuff.” Inhaling deeply, he raked a hand through his hair. “In the beginning, I tried to ignore it. To deny the way I felt. After a while, though, I realized that… I didn’t want to deny it anymore. I was sick of fighting how I felt. It was exhausting.” He met Breck’s gaze and shrugged. “And so the decision became a no fucking brainer. Take the leap or let him go.” He chuckled humorlessly. “And I wasn’t letting him go. I wasn’t losing him.”
Breck contemplated that for a minute, then frowned. “That’s a pretty big leap. You must’ve been positive, but… how’d you know?”
Tad canted his head. “How’d I know what?”
“That… this thing with him is real?”
Not just a connection built on infatuation.
Because to put one’s self on the line like that? They’d better fucking know for sure.
And even then, for someone like Breck, that might not be enough.
Tad’s gaze drifted. Then his smile returned. “Because he affects so much more than my dick. Just being around him makes me happy. Like stupid happy.” He laughed and rubbed his forehead. “Crowding his personal space is like… my favorite fucking pastime.”
Breck thought on that, too. Tad’s expression looked so sincere. “Why’d you wait so long to tell us?”
Tad shrugged, smile ebbing. “Tough subject, I guess. I only admitted it to myself just recently. After that, it was just a matter of how to tell you guys. And when. So I decided on Saturday, after your birthday. And here we are.”
Breck pulled himself from the memory and dipped his head under the shower’s spray. If he was honest, he could totally understand why Tad dragged his feet. Could even relate. On some level, he felt himself in a similar predicament.
Letting the water sluice down his body, rinsing the thick suds off his skin, he closed his eyes and tried to imagine a different existence. Where his career, his future, wasn’t so reliant on the acceptance of others. Strangers who would judge him without ever knowing him. Shackling him, keeping him from even considering a different way of life.
Not that I’d want a life with Kai, he told himself. That man could be a grade-A, arrogant ass.
Although, in fairness, he probably thought the same of Breck.