Some twenty minutes later, Breck climbed into his car and sighed in disappointment. He’d been hoping the interaction with his friend would’ve released some of his tension, but underneath his exhaustion, he still felt strung tight.
Staring out the windshield, his mind drifted back to yesterday’s visit with his parents—which only made him that much tenser. He hated that his dad was such a source of endless stress.
“Fuck,” he muttered, rubbing his eyes.
He wanted to be like Ned, without a care in the world. Never worrying about anything pertaining to the future at all. Always in the present, with a smile on his face.
The things Ned said circled back around. Pitched a tent in his frontal lobe and got him thinking about the way Ned lived his life. Could Breck implement that kind of mindset? He wanted so badly just to live and be free. To go after all the things in life that excited him, too.
Sure, basketball was one of his passions. And yes, in the heat of competition it did excite him a lot. But with all the obligations that came with the job, he couldn’t always say that it made him happy. It was a career based around validation, about being good enough, about staying on top. What happened when the day came where he wasn’t the best? Where would that leave him and his self-worth?
His thoughts drifted back to Friday with Kai. Kai had looked him in the eye and told him he’d been perfect. And all he’d done was be himself. That’d felt so good. Something he couldn’t remember ever feeling before. He hadn’t had to be better than anyone. Hadn’t had to prove his worth. Kai had seen a side of him that only a rare few ever got to see. The side not associated with accomplishments. The side related to who he was as a man, not what he could do.
The feeling had been unexpected, but addicting as hell. He’d instantly wanted more. Hadn’t wanted to leave. As if he’d needed Kai to just keep seeing him. Him.
The person, not the player.
The man, not the king.
His heart thumped in realization. Kai gave him what he’d been starving for when he hadn’t even recognized he’d been hungry. Dots connecting, it all became clear. Kai had always excited him, right from the start. Not because he saw Breck as an icon, like everyone else, but because he didn’t. A notion that got Breck’s ego instantly grappling. If Kai didn’t measure him by his talents, then how could Breck win his respect? What Kai had said, that he’d been prefect, that’d been nice and all, but realistically speaking, there’d been nothing special about what Breck had done.
And he didn’t even want to think about the way he’d ‘finished.’
He flushed at the memory and shifted in his seat. Scrubbed his face.
Bottom line, Kai had exposed a part of him that no one else had ever seen. And that hidden, unremarkable part of Breck, he’d considered faultless.
Breck wanted to feel that way again. Needed to feel that way.
Once more, he found himself contemplating Ned’s perspective. How he simply just went after all the things he wanted. One-hundred percent confident that if he was meant to have them, then it’d all work out.
Breck chewed on his lip. Maybe he should try Ned’s MO. See if it worked. He had some time before their trip. Two weeks to experience the things he wanted before they boarded that plane. No obligations. No basketball shit. But especially no steering clear of a certain man. Ironic how the one thing marked off limits was the only thing he wanted.
So be it. He was tired of being so restricted. So damn confined within the parameters of acceptability. He needed a break. Needed to spread his wings, even if just for a little while. A chance to be free. Because all too soon, he’d be right back in the drudges. Balancing commitments and responsibilities. And his steadfast façade.
Heart pounding, he pulled out his phone. Kai said he could use his help, and considering how much Breck enjoyed their recent practice…
He stared at his cell.
Should he do it? Go after what he wanted?
He rubbed his mouth. Then smiled a little.
Fuck it. I’ma do it.
No looking back. He’d earned it, goddamn it.
Body tightening, he stared at the screen. Palmed the top of his head. If he didn’t do this now, he’d totally be kicking himself for life. Pulse racing faster, he drew in a breath and exhaled slowly. Then typed out a text and sent that bitch before he changed his mind.
S’up, Kai.
How’d class go on Friday?
He chewed on his lip. Peered out his windshield. Was he playing with fire? Would this whole thing come back and bite him on the ass?
An incoming text chimed a minute later.
It went well.