“Actually, no. It was before that. You were beautiful. Far prettier in person. I don’t know. It’s like from the second you talked to me after I nudged your bumper, I was hooked. I didn’t want to let you go. Whatever plan I had I just kind of… fucking forgot about it. I know it sounds stupid.”
“It does sound stupid.”
“Okay, maybe it is stupid.” Byron rubbed a hand over his face. She thought so, at any rate, since she could hear the rasp of stubble echoing through the silent car.
It was starting to get warm in there, the sun filtering in through the windows as the afternoon ticked on. She wished she could get out of the car and leave it behind like she’d threatened, but she didn’t want to deal with the rental company and have to confess that she’d lost the keys to the vehicle. It would probably have to be towed all the way back to Denver. She couldn’t imagine the hassle and shuddered at the thought of the cost.
“Maybe it is stupid, but you’re the first person I’ve ever told about my family. I mean that. That, at least, is true. Everything I told you about my dad and my mom was true. I- I’ve never… I’ve been with quite a few women, I’ll be upfront about that, but none if it ever meant anything.”
She snorted, even though something in her chest twanged, like she was made of strings and he knew just which ones to pluck to make it hurt. “Let me guess. Until me. I meant something. You felt something with me, and it was magical, like unicorns and rainbow farts and now you want to marry me for real because you think one night and a few orgasms are enough to last a lifetime.”
“I thought you said you faked those.”
She ground her teeth audibly. “That’s right. But you obviously thought they were real.”
“My cock did. Your vagina is one hell of an actress. I didn’t think it was possible to fake all that spasming and grasping. And are rainbow farts truly a thing? Are they visible? Do they smell like watermelon?”
“You’re truly disgusting, you know that?”
“Yeah.” Without asking her permission, Byron reached over and set his hand gently on her knee. He rested in there, but didn’t apply any pressure, so that it was more like a brush of his fingers even though his whole palm was there. “Noemi… can you look at me?”
She did, but she told herself she did it just so that he’d get the heck out of her car and let her get on with her day. She wanted to turn the engine on and run the AC. She was starting to stick to the chair, and it wasn’t even leather.
Unfortunately, Byron’s eyes were big and wide and blue and she found herself sinking deeper and deeper into them, helpless, like she’d just been shoved into quicksand. She remembered as a kid, she and her friends would play that game, the quicksand thing, and take turns pulling each other off the ground, out of an imaginary bog. She was actually afraid of quicksand, but she didn’t want anyone to know it. Turned out, not much had changed.
“Look. I haven’t spent my life being as nice as I should. I haven’t bothered to be as good or as kind or as compassionate. All I’ve done is sold shoes that I don’t really even care about, because my father, right before he died, literally told me that I’d never succeed at it. I needed to prove him wrong, but the problem is, there was never a cap on it. It doesn’t matter how successful I am, I’m never going to feel like it’s enough. I’m tired. I’m tired of shoes. I’m tired of meaningless encounters with people who just want to fuck me because they either know I’m rich or because I look the way I do. I know, a man crying about it. It sounds pathetic. I’m just tired of everything. I’m exhausted actually. I came out here after you because I convinced myself I had to find you and if I didn’t, then I’d fail. I found something else. I don’t know what that is, but I just know that it feels like waking up. I haven’t felt that way since before my mom died. I don’t know what it is about you, but when I’m with you, I feel nearly… I don’t know. Would it sound fucked up to say whole?”
“Yeah. A little.”
“I do though. I know it’s been, like, less than a day. I know that this whole thing is messed up. I did it all wrong. I think that once, I might have been a good person. Better than I am now. Once, I would have cared about people and really cared about the business for the right reasons. I let a lot of things that happened to me mess me up.”