“No, that’s true.” Yet no matter how I try, I can’t ease the pain in my heart. “She’s all the family I have. I can’t lose her.”
“Hey.” He lifts my head from his shoulder, his touch tender. “Have you forgotten? You have me now, too. And if need be, I’ll be all the family you’ll ever want or need. You’re not alone, and you never will be again.” His lips curve into a gentle, loving smile, and his eyes gleam with warmth. “I don’t care how long it takes me to convince you. I’m prepared to spend the rest of my life making sure you understand.”
“I’m pretty sure you’re too good to me.”
“Oh, beautiful girl, there’s no such thing.” He then casts a look toward the table, and his smile fades. “Something tells me dinner is over.”
“I’m sorry. But it reheats well. I can always have it for lunch tomorrow.”
“Of course, you can. Why don’t you go into the bedroom and make yourself more comfortable, and by the time you come back, I’ll have everything cleaned up? How about we take it easy with a movie?”
Right now, I can’t imagine anything better—except a call from Cynthia, that is.
But the entire night passes without a call, without a text, without anything. I owe it to Christian to pay attention to the movie, to be present with him. He’s doing everything he can to make me feel better, cuddling with me on the couch.
But my heart isn’t in it. By the time the credits are rolling, I know just as much about what I witnessed in the past ninety minutes as I do about what happened in class earlier. In other words, my body might have been present, but my brain was miles away.
“I think I’ll get ready for bed.” I unfold my body before getting up and stretching after having spent the entire movie curled up next to Christian. Do I feel the least bit sleepy? Far from it. I doubt I’ll get my brain to quiet down anytime soon. I might not sleep at all tonight.
The alternative is sitting around, making him uncomfortable with my nervousness. It’ll be easier for both of us if I’m alone when I’m like this.
Something washes briefly across his face. Disappointment? It’s gone before I can identify it, almost like I imagined it. “Of course. You get all the rest you need. I’m always here for you.”
“Thank you.”
I keep our kiss brief before going to the bathroom for a hot shower. I need to wash this day off my body, at least, if I can’t get it out of my mind. Cynthia. My lifeline. Where could she be?
Showering doesn’t help ease my tension. Neither does pacing the bedroom floor, chewing my lip, and wringing my hands. Why didn’t it occur to me that something was wrong? Why did I assume she was ignoring me? I should’ve known better. I should’ve gone to the house and reached out to the police days ago. She could be home by now if I had been a little smarter.
I don’t know how much time passes. An hour, maybe? More? Not that it matters. I don’t feel any better after having walked what feels like a mile, at least, pacing the hardwood. My insides are in knots, my muscles tense as the panic threatens to rise and choke me. Worse, I might scream just to release some of it, and I’m sure that wouldn’t go over well.
I was wrong earlier. I don’t want to be alone. The longer I spend like this, the more inevitable it’ll be that I go over the edge. I’m dangerously close as it is, teetering on the lip of a cliff.
I need… something. I need to forget. I need to lose myself in something bigger, just for a little while. Just to remind me there’s more to existence than pain and loneliness.
Which is why I open the bedroom door.
Which is why I need to find Christian. Without him, I’m lost.
23
CHRISTIAN
I’m standing in the kitchen. Everything is silent except for the sound of water hitting the tall glass. In the distance, I can hear my neighbor’s music and their muffled voices. It’s been a tough couple of days with trying to keep up appearances and running back and forth between the warehouse where we’ve been keeping Cynthia and being home when Siân’s finished with school during the day.
I kept my word because hurting Cynthia isn’t a part of the plan. Of all the people in Siân’s life, that woman is the only person who’s protected her, and she loves Siân, despite the secrets she’s been keeping from her.
Tony doesn’t get it, especially after the bitch shot him. And okay, bitch might be too harsh. But she’s been the epitome of that, challenging us every step of the damn way. I respect her, though, because I’ve seen men much bigger and badder crack under lesser pressure. Yet this middle-aged woman has exuded more balls than some of the hardest of men.