When I don’t respond to him, he continues, “Well, I believe, Siân, that if you want something bad enough, you will do whatever is humanly possible to achieve it. Sometimes you might lie, barter, or even steal to get it. You might even just take it if it’s something you want badly enough.”
I can feel our conversation going in a different direction. The warning blinks bright in my mind. I shouldn’t cross the line, shouldn’t take a risk like this, not knowing this man, but maybe he’s right. Maybe it’s time to live a little. I’ve spent the past fifteen years trapped in a bubble of worry. What can a night of risk and fun hurt?
My gaze moves past him and to the entrance across the room. I realize then that Taj still isn’t here. Safe. You’re safe. A man who doesn’t even know me can see how pitiful and inside my head I am. How worried and insecure I am.
What do I have to fear? It’s been five years. I return my attention to Christian and he’s staring at me. Wait, not at me, but right through me.
“What’s something you want, Christian?” His name rolls off my tongue lustfully.
He leans into me, his lips almost touching mine. He’s so close I swear I can feel his heartbeat beneath his shirt. He’s inside me, in my head, under my skin, invading my senses.
His voice is a whisper when he speaks, so low I’m uncertain I hear him correctly. “You.”
I swallow my tongue, and it’s then that Kyla reappears, sauntering up to us with a grin on her face. Christian takes a step back at her reappearance, and I suck a ragged breath into my lungs, unaware I was holding my breath.
“Am I interrupting something?” she asks, grabbing her beer off the bar.
I wipe my now sweaty palms on the front of my jeans. “No, of course not. We were just talking.” More like sharing an unexplainable moment. I don’t know what it is about this guy, but I feel connected to him in a way I’ve never felt connected to anyone.
“Oh look, Taj and Josh finally showed up,” Kyla announces, her eyes beaming, causing both Christian and me to turn our attention to the entrance.
I spot Taj and Josh easily. They’re both standing there scanning the crowd, sticking out like a pair of sore thumbs. She must be excited to see Josh.
It’s not a fancy bar, but Taj could’ve at least changed out of his professor getup. I swallow down my frustration when they start toward us. As I drag my attention away from them, I look back up at Christian. His gaze is trained on Taj. It’s cold, and his features are twisted with disdain. He must sense my gaze on him because he snaps out of it and looks down at me, a grim smile appearing on his lips.
“I think it’s time I go, but it was very nice to meet you, Siân. Maybe I’ll see you around.”
I nod, taken aback by his gruff departure.
He walks away and nearly bumps shoulders with Taj on the way out. This strange coldness fills the space around me where the mysterious man stood just moments ago. Taj approaches with a look of confusion on his handsome face.
“Was that guy giving you trouble?” His tone turns protective.
I shake my head. “No. I don’t even know him.” Though it felt like he knew me.
“Okay,” he replies and engulfs me in a hug. His embrace is warm, and his clean cologne scent fills my nostrils, but it isn’t what I want. It’s safe. I’m safe, and for some reason, I know that stranger’s words will stick with me for the rest of the night. “I apologize for being late. Some stuff at the university came up, and I had to stay late to finish grading papers.”
“It’s okay,” I lie.
It’s not okay. Nothing is okay. Everything about Taj is safe, from his russet brown hair to his pale green eyes. He’s a professor with a good job and a heart of gold, but he’s not who I want. None of this is what I want… he isn’t what I want.
“Hey, are you with me?” Taj takes me by the cheeks, forcing my gaze to meet his.
I stare up into his green eyes. There’s a smile on his face, a smile put there by me.
“I’m fine. Everything is fine. Let’s get some drinks and enjoy the rest of the night together.” I force myself to smile and move through the motions.
All I can think is everything isn’t fine, but it will be soon.
3
CHRISTIAN
Safe is the way I described her, but boring is more like it. It’s been a week since I approached her at the bar, and something tells me that talking to me was the liveliest she’s been. In fact, I’m pretty fucking sure of it.