“Would it make you feel better if I stay on the phone with you while you check the doors and windows? To make sure they’re securely locked?”
It would, and it does. I go from one window to the other, assuring myself they’re locked up tight. And while I do, I tell Christian about what happened. I spare him some of the worst details because I still can’t bring myself to say certain things out loud. Shame heats my face at the thought of it. How much worse would things get if I had to talk about it?
“He forced you into an alley?” It’s difficult to make out what he’s saying. Like his teeth are gritted so hard, he can barely speak. Like a ventriloquist, only one who hasn’t practiced. “He put his hands on you?”
“I don’t understand why he won’t leave me alone. And he’s… what’s the word I’m looking for? He’s ramping up. This is worse than anything he’s ever pulled before. He took a big chance, coming after me on the street.”
“Perhaps the fact that it’s dark out gave him extra courage.”
“I guess so.” I peer out into the darkness, ready to find a hooded figure watching me. I only see the outlines of what’s there in the daylight. “Isn’t it funny how the same things we’re afraid of in the dark are what we’re used to seeing in the daytime?”
“What?”
“Nothing.” He’s really going to think I’ve lost it unless I get myself together. “My mind’s wandering. Maybe because I don’t want to think too much about what went down.”
“I’m sorry I can’t be there with you right now. You have no idea how much I want to hold you.”
“And I wish you could be here.” So, so badly. Not only because I don’t want to be alone, either. I shouldn’t feel so attached to somebody I hardly know, but it seems like my heart’s been following an agenda of its own when I wasn’t paying attention.
“What else happened? Did he threaten you?”
Now, I wish I had never told him. “You know what? I don’t think I want to talk about it anymore.”
He lets out what sounds like a grunt. Is he disappointed? For a second, I think he might be. Like he wants me to drag out my pain.
“It’s not healthy to keep these things bottled up,” he advises me, and I see how off-base I was only a moment ago. It’s going to take a while for me to unlearn everything Taj taught me. I’m too used to being with a man who draped himself over me like a cloak that got a little heavier all the time. Pulling on me, dragging me down. Taj would’ve begged and cajoled me to open up.
Once he finally showed up. That caveat is one I can’t allow myself to forget. I’d have to beg him to take my call first, then handle the fallout once he deigned to give me his time.
“I know. But it’s still fresh and dragging it all up isn’t going to help when I’m here all by myself. I don’t even have Kyla to keep me company.”
That’s when it hits me. “Kyla. She’s already mad enough at me.”
“What about her?” Christian asks with an edge of impatience in his voice. “She’s the last person whose feelings you need to worry about right now.”
“She’s upset that I never told her about my stalker. And she has every right to be.” I feel like I have to add that before he gets annoyed again. “Wouldn’t you want to know everything about the person you were moving in with? If their safety was in question? What if this maniac shows up here, and she’s the only one who’s home?”
“Then he wouldn’t bother her because you’re the one he’s after.”
“That isn’t funny.”
“I wasn’t making a joke.” He sighs. “But you’re right. I shouldn’t be flippant. And now that I think about it, I can see how you’d be concerned. You’re a good friend for considering her at a time like this. Maybe a better friend than she deserves.”
“What makes you say that?”
“I’m always going to be on your side,” he explains, and his voice is rich with warmth. Like I imagined the coldness only a second ago. “So, forgive me if I don’t take it well when others are unfair to you. And it is unfair to think only of herself when you’re the one afraid of this person. You’re the one in danger, but she can only think about herself.”
“I can’t hold it against her. I’d be upset if the tables were turned. She’s in danger, too—we can’t forget that.”
“Because you said he threatened to kill her.” I make an affirmative sort of sound, and he lets out a long breath. “Of course. You’re right. She has to be considered in all this.”