The walk is long enough that it takes the edge off my anger. When I reach the house, I find Kyla’s car gone.
I climb into my vehicle and lean against the steering wheel. I was supposed to work all morning and into the afternoon before spending time with my caretaker, Cynthia. She’s been in my life since the beginning and is the only family I have here in the United States—the only family I have left at all if I’m being honest. I do my best to have dinner with her twice a month, just to check in and catch up. She deserves more than I can give her for keeping me safe and caring for me all these years.
I start the car and pull out of the parking lot. I don’t want to show up at Cynthia’s in a shit mood, so I dial Kyla’s number. It’ll be easier to vent to her about Taj than Cynthia. She’s like a mother to me, and on top of that, Cynthia doesn’t trust anyone, so her opinion is skewed.
As I pull out onto the road, Kyla finally answers the phone.
“Hello,” she pants like she’s just finished running.
“Hey!” I sigh, trying to hide my anger. There’s no point in trying, though. Kyla has been by my side for years. If anyone can tell when I’m upset, it’s her.
“What’s wrong?”
“Everything,” I growl. “If I needed proof that Taj and I shouldn’t be together anymore, I got it today.”
“Oh God, what happened?”
I turn out onto the highway to head toward the suburbs where Cynthia lives. “I had a slight mishap at the coffee shop this morning, so I showed up ten minutes late for class. He flipped his shit on me and told me to leave.”
There’s a long pause, so long that I wonder if she hung up on me. Then she clears her throat and says, “Hmm, that doesn’t sound like him. Do you want me to talk to him?”
Somewhere in my mind, a red flag goes off. I trust Kyla, but I don’t want her to get involved in my relationship with Taj.
“No, he can think about what he did and how he treated me and then apologize for acting like a toddler. I did nothing to him, and he treated me like shit.”
“Maybe he’s stressed?” Kyla tries to interject, but it feels like she’s sticking up for him, and that’s irritating as hell.
Is she my friend or his?
“Stressed or not, he didn’t have to tell me to leave. He didn’t have to be an asshole. It was like he was a different person.” I shake my head and focus on driving to avoid getting into a car accident. That’s the last thing I need.
“Yeah, I agree... Maybe it’s better to just end things before they get worse.” Her response comes out of the blue, but it’s not really shocking. I told her I wanted to break up with Taj before, but she never pushed me to leave. Now, it feels like she is.
“Even if he hurt my feelings, I still don’t want to hurt him.”
Taj was my first serious boyfriend and the man I gave my virginity to. He holds a lot of my firsts and letting him go feels like I am letting some of the best parts of me go, but I’m not stupid. We are past fixing.
It was only a matter of time before we started falling apart.
“I know you don’t… but sometimes it’s for the better.” She pauses. “Look, I’ll talk to you later. I have a lunch date with Josh.”
“Lunch isn’t for a while, but okay.” I try not to sound irritated, but I can’t help it. I need to vent to Kyla. Otherwise, I’ll go back to the university, rip Taj out of class, and tell him to fuck off.
“Hey, I’m sorry, babe. I’ll be home tonight, and you can vent until your heart’s content.”
“Okay.” I sigh.
I hit the end key on the steering wheel and grit my teeth, stewing in my own thoughts until I pull into the suburbs. Usually, Cynthia and I have dinner, but I’m sure she’ll enjoy spending the day together since we haven’t been able to do that for a while. Between classes and my work as Taj’s TA, not to mention all the extra nights Kyla’s been forcing me to go out, I’ve inadvertently abandoned the deal Cynthia and I made. I pull the car to the curb, put it in park, and kill the engine.
I grab my purse and phone. I’m getting ready to step out of the car when the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. My eyes scan the road in front of me and the houses lining the street, but I see nothing suspicious. Yet it feels like someone is watching me. Am I being paranoid? I push myself to get out of the car. I’ve lived my whole life in fear… when will it stop? When will I stop feeling these random spouts of paranoia? I just want to live a normal, happy life. Is that too much to ask?