“Nothing. Just calm the fuck down.” I roll my eyes and walk to my bed to sit down, but the girl immediately follows me and throws her legs on mine, grabbing my face to lick my earlobe, and I fucking hate it.
But why? Why the fuck can’t I enjoy myself and this random girl I invited over?
I asked her to come. I wanted someone to fuck.
But then why can’t I enjoy it like I should?
I’m a De Vos, for crying out loud. We don’t play fair, and we fuck whoever we damn well want to. So then why is something bothering me so much?
I close my eyes and fall onto the bed. With my eyes closed, all I see is the image of a pretty blond girl dancing in front of me, seductive lips pursed, ready for the taking, her innocent eyes luring me in, begging me to come take her cherry.
Jill.
My eyes burst open, and I sit up straight in bed.
“What’s wrong?” Gillian asks as she sits up too and throws her arms around my neck.
“Nothing,” I say, glancing at her over my shoulder, wondering if I’m losing my shit because there’s a beautiful girl right here with me, and all I can think about is someone else.
I definitely am.
Jill isn’t and won’t ever be interested in me.
This girl is.
But then why can’t I fucking get Jill to disappear from my head?
I groan to myself as the girl behind me presses more kisses below my ear, trying to tempt me. “Come lie down with me. Spoil me. Use me.”
But the more I think about doing just that, the more guilt floods over me.
Because Jill is downstairs, sitting all by herself, waiting until my parents are done talking to hers.
And my mind immediately wanders to her again. To how she grabbed a pillow from the couch and chucked it at my face. The glorious grin on her face, and how badly it made me want to grab her by the throat and pin her to the couch.
I swallow.
I don’t even know why I threw that pillow back at her.
Or why I loved seeing the look of amazement on her face as we kept throwing them back and forth.
And when she fell on top of me, it almost felt like the world stood still. As if, for a second, I could pretend she didn’t hate my guts. Her body pressed up against mine made me stiff, and all I wanted at that moment was to rip off her clothes and thrust inside.
Fuck.
“C’mon,” the girl behind me says, pulling me from my thoughts. “Let’s have some fun.”
She kisses me, and I lean back to try to enjoy it, but all I can think of is just how upset Jill looked when she saw me bring this girl inside.
I texted this girl to come over because I didn’t know what the fuck to do with myself … or the giant boner I got when Jill fell on top of me minutes ago.
The way she accidentally stumbled after we threw cushions back and forth in an innocent game really got me silent. Her eyes peered straight into mine as her whole body leaned on mine, and every inch of my body wanted to hold her there.
Wanted to kiss her.
Touch her.
Grope her.
Fuck her.
Fuck.
I groan again as the girl pulls away from me.
Fucking Jill Baas.
Even when I tell myself I don’t want her, all I can think about is her. She’s screwing with my mind, and it’s exactly why I brought this girl over.
But fuck me, that image of her lying on top of me will never leave my mind.
Right as I turn around to focus on the girl I invited over, she pulls off her shirt and out bounces these giant, gorgeous tits that would make any guy’s dick hard as a rock.
I can’t lie and say that it doesn’t do it for me. But it’s tainted by that goddamn image of Jill swirling through my head, and it’s ruining everything I want to do.
“Fuck, no, wait.” I get up from the bed and march to the window to take a breath. “I can’t fucking do this.”
“But you asked me to come over,” she says, sounding disappointed as hell.
“I know.” I sigh as I rub my forehead. “Fuck.”
As I turn around, she quickly puts on her top again. Even though it’s on the wrong way, I don’t say anything. I don’t want to embarrass her further.
“It happens,” she says. “No hard feelings, right?”
“Right,” I say, but I don’t feel at all good about any of this.
Because if I can’t even fuck a girl without feeling guilty … what the fuck has Jill Baas done to me?
I clear my throat and turn around. “Let’s get you back home.”
Present
* * *
If Jill only knew the effect she had on me, even back then…