He doesn’t make a move to kiss me or grope me or bend me over. All things I would have done willingly.
Instead, he just nods and says, “I guess I’ll see you at the wedding?”
And then he’s gone.
7
Leaving Ava’s condo is hard as hell.
Here’s the thing, I never thought about settling down and getting married. Not because I’m some coldhearted asshole, it’s just that after everything with my parents I knew I’d never get attached like that with another person.
They died tragically–and I blame myself. My brother and I were left in the wake, and it showed me how fragile life can be. The last thing I’ve ever wanted to do is get wrapped up with someone, have a family with someone, only to ruin it all.
So now, I’m a realist. And the reality is this: life is fucking hard and scary and it can change in the blink of an eye. The last thing any woman needs is me and my baggage and my mountain to make it any harder.
But walking away from Ava Grace? After the night we shared? It hurts like hell.
I made love to her sweet little body all night long, woke up with the taste of her pussy still on my lips. I walked into her kitchen and saw her looking like sunshine and promise and hoping that I could offer her all of me.
I saw what she was thinking all too clearly.
So, I left with nothing more than a goodbye because I can’t offer her any promises.
Who knows what’s gonna happen to me out on the mountain? I could die, freeze to death. I could get lost in a snowstorm or fall in an avalanche.
The last thing anyone needs is a man who might not always be around. It’s too fucking risky.
My brother meets me at the coffee shop. A fucking Starbucks because that’s the kind of man he is. I watch him order a skinny latte with two sugars. Watching him, I conceal a smile. Poorly.
“What are you laughing about?” Taylor asks.
“Nothing, but are you sure two sugars will be enough?” I get my black drip coffee and carry our drinks over to an empty table.
“I thought you were flying out early today,” Taylor asks as he lifts his white paper cup to his mouth, waiting for me to answer
“I’ve got an hour before I have to get to the airport, thought we could do some catching up.”
Taylor laughs. “Catch up? Samson, you’re my big brother but for last three years, you’ve been MIA. I know things got rough for you here for a while but—”
“Rough for me? Taylor, I took a fucking break. Working for the man made me crazy. And you’ve been fine without me.” We’ve talked every few months—enough to know he was proposing to Sophia, enough to show up for the engagement party. “You don’t need me around. You went to law school, have Sophia and her family—you don’t need me.”
“You’re still avoiding the question.” Taylor looks down, avoiding my eyes. He looks like a little boy, like the nine-year-old who has lost his parents, who is looking for anyone to hold onto. I was the only constant, and then I left. Looking at him now I see he still needs me.
“Look, with the wedding—the guest lists, and Sophia’s family being so involved,” Taylor, says, looking back up at me. “Sometimes, I just wish I had my brother back. You're the only family I’ve got.”
“I’m here, aren’t I? I bought a ticket to come back for your bachelor party. I know I’m the only family you’ve got, and maybe I’ve been busy getting my shit together for the last three years, but I’m not too busy for you. And the wedding being in Whistler is fucking perfect. It’s gorgeous country up there, and not so far from where I live.”
“I wish I’d known. Sophia and I have gone skiing there the last few Valentine’s Day weekends. It’s why we’re getting married there.” He shakes his head. “I just wish you’d invited me to your place.”
“I’m sorry, Taylor.” And I am. It’s just another reminder that I am not in a place to be in a real relationship — I can’t even make things work with my little brother.
“I put my life back together, that’s a good thing,” I tell him. “And now I’m in a place where I can be more a part of your life. Maybe it’s all coming together at the right time.”
“You sound like an inspirational book, not like the older brother I know who’s always swinging fists and calling people names.”
“I’ve changed.”
“How much of you changed? You still believe that you ought to be alone, so you don’t accidentally hurt them?”
I look down at my coffee cup, realizing that my brother is the only person on the planet who could talk to me like this. Like a fucking shrink. My employees would never address me so intimately.