She felt like she was going to burst. The pressure behind her eyes was so intense she could barely stand it.
But there was no release. She had worked so long to keep her emotions, her desires, anything too wild or demonstrative in check, that she couldn’t let it out even now.
She couldn’t even be herself when she was alone.
The scary thing was, she was pretty sure the only time she’d been herself for more than a decade was during the night she’d spent in Alex’s arms. Naked in every single way.
He hadn’t deserved that. It had been a lie for him.
She took a deep breath, gulping the air down like water. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping for tears, desperate for a crack in the foundations she’d built.
Nothing came.
Damn that Alex. She was so angry at him, so hurt by everything he’d done. And still she craved those moments of release, those moments of feeling like she was home in herself, that only he’d ever given her.
Well, that was too bad. She wasn’t ever going to be back in his arms, ever again.
So she would just have to deal with that.
* * *
He married me, BTW.
Rachel stared down at the text from her sister, her body numb. She’d married Ajax? Leah had married Ajax?
When she’d started texting with Leah that morning she hadn’t expected this. Leah had been checking on her, and she could get why, because running off like this was out of character for her, and because, yeah, she had a feeling they knew full well who Alex was.
But to find out Leah and Ajax had married? She didn’t even know how to process that.
She got up from her position on the floor and went to her computer, typing in Ajax Kouros as quickly as she could.
And sure enough.
Ajax Kouros Weds Replacement Bride
“Well...wow.”
She picked up the phone and typed in Holy crap. Just Googled.
You’re happy? You didn’t love Ajax did you?
Her sister’s response came quickly. Leave it to Leah to worry about her, even still. Rachel couldn’t imagine her sweet younger sister with Ajax. Hell, she was the one who was worried.
As for the love part...
Not like that. Not the kind you need to marry a guy. You know?
She hit Send. It was a lie of omission in a lot of ways. Because she would have married him. If things hadn’t changed. If not for the baby.
The baby. All of this kept hitting her in little pieces. She had a feeling if it hit her all at once she would be completely buried by it.
Do you love Alex?
Her sister’s message hit her right in the chest. Because it brought her back to that night. To those feelings. Feelings that were so different from anything she’d ever experienced before.