That’s not a bad thing. It’s what I was after in the first place. But if I’m going to protect Katelyn, I have to be Lucifer Raven. I have to remember how to deal with this kind of shit.
I move toward him and place the nose of the pistol right at his temple.
He trembles. “Please…”
“Please what?”
“Please…don’t kill me.”
“You have no idea who you’re dealing with. You have no idea what you’re doing.”
“It’s Moonstone. She makes me do…ridiculous things. I… I love her.”
I scoff. “You don’t fucking love her. You don’t even know what love is.”
My own words aren’t lost on me. Do I even know what love is? I abused the women I professed to love in my previous life. I never meant to. But I made excuses for myself. I told them they were the reason I was hurting them.
Therapy proved me wrong. Getting off alcohol proved me wrong as well.
But I wonder… Are Pollack and I that different?
He claims to love Katelyn, but I know he hurt her. She wouldn’t be frightened of him if he hadn’t.
Will I ever be worthy of her?
I thought if I returned to LA, dealt with what I left behind, perhaps I would be.
Even if I died, at least I would die worthy of the woman I love.
But now…
I look at Pollack…and I may as well be looking in the fucking mirror.
6
KATELYN
Nearly an hour later I can finally breathe without gasping.
I can finally look at myself without bursting into tears again.
But oh my God…my face. My nose is red and swollen, my eyelids nearly double their normal size and also red. The whites of my eyes are bloodshot.
No way will I look decent for my lunch at Zee and Reid’s place.
I grab my phone to cancel when it buzzes.
“Hello?”
“Katelyn, baby. It’s Luke.”
My heart swells. “Luke! Where are you? Are you all right?”
“I’m fine. And…I’m sorry.”
Thank God. I sigh in relief. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”
Should I be angry? I can’t be. Not yet. Not now.
“I’m sorry for leaving you at my place.”
“What happened?”
“You know I had plans to leave for a while. The plans have been put on hold.”
Thank God again. I shouldn’t be so needy, but the thought of being without Luke… I can’t fathom it. “When can I see you?”
“I’m not sure. I have some stuff to take care of.”
“Luke…”
“Katelyn, I love you. That hasn’t changed. But there are some things… Things you don’t know about me.”
“There are things you don’t know about me either.”
He pauses a moment. “Maybe we don’t need to know everything about each other, but I do need you to tell me one thing.”
“Anything,” I say. “I’ll tell you anything.”
“The guy from the restaurant—Pollack. I need to know what he did to you.”
Anything but that.
I swallow. How can I tell Luke the truth? How can I tell him what the asshole—Mr. Smith, Ice Man—did to me?
It’s so humiliating.
Ice Man.
I can’t speak. It’s too difficult. I love Luke too much. I can’t let him bear this with me.
“Baby…?”
“Luke, please understand. I don’t want to relive any of that.”
“Katelyn, I need to know. He approached me, held a gun to me, wanted me to bring him to you.”
I suck in a breath. No. Just no. I can’t go back there. Just can’t.
“Don’t worry. I won’t let him get anywhere near you. But he claims he never harmed you.”
“That’s not true.”
“I know it’s not true. But he’s out walking for some reason, which means he must have been able to convince someone in high places that he wasn’t a threat to society.”
“He’s a threat to me.”
“I need you to do something for me, then. If you won’t tell me what he did to you, I need you to talk to a lawyer about a restraining order.”
“I don’t know any lawyers.”
“The Wolfes know a lot of lawyers. They’ll be able to help you get a restraining order.”
“Can you help me?”
He sighs. “Baby, I wish I could. I don’t have any connections like that.”
“I understand.”
It’s not a lie. I do understand. But there are things that Luke isn’t telling me. No one disappears in the middle of the night if they’re not hiding something.
“Luke?”
“Yeah?”
“Promise me you won’t leave me.”
Silence greets me on the other end of the line.
“Luke?”
“Katelyn, I love you. I will always love you. Which is why I won’t make a promise to you that I’m not sure I can keep.”
Knife in heart. Heart in stomach. Luke. I need him. I hate that I need him, but I do.
“What’s going on? Please. You know almost everything about me. You can tell me.”
Silence.
I won’t force him to talk to me. I can’t do that. After all, I just refused to tell him what Ice Man did to me. Forcing him to talk to me when I won’t talk to him isn’t fair.