I didn’t even know how to quantify it, what to do with it, how to react to the shocking realization that for the first time in my life, I’ve fallen head over heels—and right down a damned flight of stairs.
I’m madly in love with Caroline Landry.
Emphasis on mad.
No, I decided to be a selfish bastard wall of a man. Hiding behind the usual barbed wire, twisting the knife into her deeper.
Of all the dishonorable things I’ve ever done, that’s the worst, hands down.
I can’t stay here.
Can’t stay in this building that represents this frigging Everest of corruption I’ve built over a decade, and all for nothing when it cost me everything. My scarred reputation, comeuppance for Barry, and the only woman I’ll ever let warm my jagged iceberg of a heart.
Sitting here with that hollow total loss slipping through my fingers like sand tells me what a fool I’ve been this whole time. How little I’ve gone after what really counts.
Enough.
Shaking my head, I throw my coat over my shoulder and head for the door. When I go stalking out onto the main floor, Wanda looks up from her machine-gun typing, her brows knit together.
“Mr. Osprey?”
I stop, holding in a sigh.
Right.
I have to remember this office is my domain, and these are my people. Frankly, I’m amazed no one quit in the thick of the bad press, but they’re all right here, loyally soldiering on.
No one would begrudge me a personal day, I’m sure, but I won’t go storming out of here like a sulking child.
So I force a thin smile for Wanda.
“Taking the rest of the day off. Usual reasons,” I say, knowing she’ll understand that means Barry. “If it’s critical, forward it. I’ll still be checking messages.”
Her eyes soften with understanding.
“Of course. I’ll route your office phone to my line.”
“Thanks.”
I start to turn away, then stop when her voice drifts after me, more tentative than I’ve ever heard from this no-nonsense woman. “Hey, boss?”
Frowning, I turn back. “Yes?”
“I just...” Wanda clears her throat, adjusting her glasses, then averts her eyes. “I’m sorry. About what happened with Miss Landry and the press. She hardly deserved that, and neither did you.”
Blinking, I cock my head.
“I thought you hated her,” I say coldly.
Wanda actually goes red. This woman with a spine of iron, blushing, her eyes lowered sheepishly.
“Well...it’s always been my job to protect your privacy, Mr. Osprey. That was all. Nothing personal.” A sad smile flicks across her lips. “She’s quite the charming young woman, isn’t she?”
“She is,” I agree, my voice thickening, heavy in my mouth.
“I will miss her, to be blunt. She brought a certain brightness to the day...and if I may be so bold, to you.”
Fuck.
Boom.
Right between the eyes.
Wanda’s more right than she’ll ever know when it comes to the woman who lit my entire world. It puts my soul through a meat grinder.
The same woman I couldn’t bare my soul to, even when I flew to New Orleans and stood in front of her.
I’m ready to have my portrait in the dictionary next to 'fool.'
No, make that 'fucking idiot.'
Still, I feel like I have a faint pulse as I dredge up another smile for my EA.
“Thanks, Wanda,” I say softly. “See you tomorrow. If you want to leave early, feel free. That goes for everyone. It’s been a difficult few weeks.”
Then I plod to the elevator without looking back, knowing I’ve got my entire team pretending they aren’t watching me leave.
Below, Dominick waits for me on the curb. I let myself into the back of the Rolls and settle against the door, watching the miles roll by on the way to my brother’s lakeside cottage.
A sense of peace washes through me as the building comes into view.
Even if my brother’s lost so much...he’s still here. Still alive.
I have Barry, and he has me.
There’s a stinging pain, remembering that the last time I was here, it was with Callie.
There’s no bitterness, though. Not when she was part of a special day that made a lucid Barrett so happy.
Hell, she made me happy, too.
I need this visit. A glaring reminder that I haven’t lost everything.
That life can start rolling forward, no matter the pain and disappointments and epic disasters.
I thank my driver as he parks, then exit the car and head for the stairs.
As I do, Nurse Julia opens the door and steps out to meet me with a sunny smile, holding out her hands.
“Mr. Osprey,” she says. “It’s so good to see you! I’m glad you came. We were about to call...”
Puzzled, I squeeze her hands, craning to see past the screen door.
“Did something happen I should know about?”
“Only good things. Barrett’s doing wonderfully today. He’s very clearheaded, and he’s been nailing the cognitive reasoning exercises all week. Yesterday, well...” Her smile brightens. “Just let me show you.”