I wiped them away with the back of my thumb.
“It’s time, Cap. You’ve done enough. We’ve got four more names, and then—”
“No,” she said with a shocking amount of force.
I just stared at her. Couldn’t understand. “I can protect you. We’ll jump from place to place—”
“I said no.” She pulled away slightly. “I’m not walking away. We made a deal. I’d stay and risk myself for Carmine, just like you’re risking yourself. I knew Dad would put it together eventually.”
“There’s no reason to live in the lion’s den.”
“Funny, since you throw yourself into it recklessly.”
I sighed and leaned my head against the cold stone. “I can’t risk losing you too. I don’t know what I’ll do if he hurts you more, Cap. I’m going crazy already.”
“I know how you’re feeling. I feel the same way every time you go kill someone. But we can’t give up. We can’t let my father win.”
I grabbed her hand and held it. I held it tight. She smiled at me. Her eyes swam with sadness and I wanted to crush my mouth against hers, but something held me back. Guilt maybe. Anger. Sorrow. All of it together, swirling in an ugly mess. God, she looked so good in that dress. With those heels. Nothing else mattered to me but her.
“I know you’re right, but I hate it.”
She squeezed my hand. Lifted it to her lips and kissed it. Need and hunger sparked through my chest. Her mouth was warm and soft. She stared into my eyes.
“I’m trying to atone, Mal. I can’t walk away before I’ve finished. I’m sorry.”
“Atone for what?”
But she pulled away. Disentangled herself from me. It was like stripping off a coat in winter. I felt cold without her.
“I’ll find Anthony next,” she said, turning toward the restaurant. Toward that guy, Maxim. “Will that work?”
“It’ll work.” I stared at her long neck and thick auburn hair. It spilled down her back like a waterfall. “Be careful. I haven’t had much luck tracking him down. If you think you’re in too deep, run for it. Call me. Come find me. Do whatever you have to do, but get to me.”
“I will. I promise.”
I reached for her hand, but I missed as she walked off. She disappeared into the crowd.
I stared after her, heart racing, throat tight.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to rip the wall to shreds and let the rubble crush all these people with their normal lives and their happiness.
Why should anyone smile when Cap cried like that?
The world wasn’t fucking fair.
Chapter 20
Capri
Mal: You looked incredible tonight. I can’t stop thinking about it.
I grinned at the phone like an idiot. It was late and I felt loose and good after a nice meal and a glass of wine. Maxim was easy to talk to, and though we kept to neutral topics like movies and TV, we did discuss his business. His family ran the Dallas area and controlled the flow of illicit goods and drugs traveling up from across the border and west from the California ports.
I texted back.
Cap: Are you flirting with me?
Mal: Just stating a fact.
Cap: I think you’re flirting. Don’t worry, I like it.
Mal: I take it you’re back in your room now. Safe and sound.
Cap: Snuggled up in bed thinking about you.
Mal: What are you wearing?
Cap: I’m not sexting with you.
Mal: Not interested in sexting. Interested in you getting down on all fours and taking some extremely filthy pictures for me.
My mouth fell open. My cheeks turned bright red.
Cap: Mal!
Mal: I can give you more explicit directions if you want.
Cap: Goodnight, Mal.
Mal: Goodnight.
I grinned like a moron and closed my eyes. I could almost picture it: Mal’s hands on my hips, his mouth against my throat. I wanted to be the girl that stripped off my clothes and took sexy pictures, but I’d done that once and wasn’t sure I could do it again. He’d have to taste the real thing.
Assuming we’d ever get another chance.
Assuming I could ever let myself tumble down that far with him.
I stretched and stared at the ceiling. My heart raced and guilt shoved back against desire. Those four numbers kept playing in my head, and every time I let myself feel a little bit happy, a little bit excited, I remembered that I was the reason Carmine was dead, and Mal would hate me when he found out.
Leading him on would only make it worse. Giving him what I wanted to give—or taking from him what I needed—that would only end in disaster.
I had to be smart. No more flirting.
I got out of bed and pulled on a pair of flannel sweats. I yanked a crewneck over my head and slipped into the hallway. I wasn’t trying to be sneaky this time—I wanted to be seen. I took the main stairs and nodded at the night guard. He yawned back. His name was Ricardo, a quiet guy, a few years older than me.