But that would mean finding a woman… a woman who could ignite a fire inside of me, who could make me care as nobody ever has.
Maybe it’s the fact that Jaime has left home and I still feel like I have so much left to give, so much energy, but I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.
I’ve built a business empire, using the money earned in my boxing career. I’ve got enough money in the bank that I could retire right now if I wanted to… not that I would. I love working, staying active, and being involved in the day-to-day operation of my businesses.
But it’s like there’s something missing, or someone missing.
I never talk about this with anyone, not my boxing buddies or Jaime. No one would say I’m an overly sentimental man, but that’s how I’ve been feeling.
It’s all this energy inside of me, trying to break free, as though willing me to find a woman and make her mine, start a new life, a new family…
I chuckle grimly as I grab a towel and mop away the sweat. Usually, my thoughts are able to calm down after a workout, but this morning that’s clearly not the case.
After a quick shower and a change of clothes, I’m walking across the parking lot when my phone rings from my pocket. I take it out, spotting Jaime’s name.
I answer quickly. I see my son quite often, though I understand he needs space, which is one of the reasons I was so proud of him when he said he wanted to move into his own apartment at nineteen. I help him as much as he’ll let me, but he’s a proud kid and likes to do things by himself. I admire the hell out of that.
But I’m glad he feels like he can reach out to me when he really needs it. It’s a good balance.
“Hey, dad,” he says when I answer. “You know how I’m a pull-myself-up-by-the-bootstraps type of guy, right?”
I chuckle.
“What? What’s funny?” he says.
I climb into my car. “Oh, nothing. Except that every time you want to ask me for something, you start by telling me what an independent man you are.”
He laughs at the light banter. “Okay, fair enough. You’ve cracked the code. My car broke down.”
“You mean that rusty piece of junk that should’ve been written off years ago? What a surprise.”
I can hear a smile in his voice when he responds. “Yep, that’s the one. I’m just around the corner from Lori’s place. The roadside recovery said they could be up to three hours. I was wondering if you were in the neighborhood? Maybe we could grab an early lunch while we wait? There’s a diner nearby.”
“You said you’re near Lorena’s house? Why don’t you wait with her?”
He sighs. “I could. They’d let me in. But I don’t want to impose. Lori hasn’t been home in a few months and her dad is sick. Remember.”
“That’s right. Lung cancer. Poor guy.”
“I don’t really want to interrupt their reunion…”
“Where’s her house again?” I ask. “It’s out near the docks, right?”
“Yeah, that’s it. You only dropped me there about a million times.”
I smirk. “Yeah, and that was about a million years ago.”
Jaime and his childhood girlfriend had been inseparable for years. Jaime was always cagey when it came to talking about anything personal, but I could tell how happy they made each other.
He always had a big smile on his face whenever he returned from her house. As far as I know, they decided to put their relationship on hold when she left for college.
Perhaps, now that she’s home, he’s going to try and start things afresh.
“Sure, I’ll come and get you. I can push a few things to the afternoon.”
“Thanks, dad.”
“Of course. See you soon.”
I drive through the city, mentally rehearsing the conversation I’m going to have with my son. He’s going to need a new car, or he’s going to have to let me pay to have his current one refurbished.
I admire his pride, but there’s a limit. I can’t have him driving around in a deathtrap.
I play some soft jazz as I guide the car toward the outskirts of the city. It’s the music my coach used to play in the locker room before a big fight, meant to calm my nerves, or any rage boiling up inside of me. I play it now to try and calm these annoyingly persistent thoughts, the ones that tell me I don’t want to waste the rest of my life being alone.
It's not like I don’t have options. A couple of years ago, Jaime encouraged me to join a dating site. I did it to placate him, and I got lots of requests from women… These were the sort of women I could imagine other men being thrilled to meet, with billboard model looks, some of them sending me messages that made it clear they’d be willing to do a hell of a lot more than kiss on the first date.