I grab my glass and take a long sip of my soda, placing it down with a shaky smile. “Hmm, delicious.”
His smirk widens as he leans forward. “Why do I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me?”
“It’s nothing, really.”
I wish my cheeks would stop betraying me, as a fierce blush lights them up.
“Okay, if you say so.” He leans back and watches me, with that captivating smirk on his face, seeing through my lie with ease. “But if you want to tell me…”
“It’s not a big deal.” My words come out in a rush, almost tripping over each other. “But basically, in high school, I guess you could say I had a bit of a crush on you.”
I grab my glass and take another sip of my soda.
“I didn’t know that,” he says, without any judgment in his voice at all.
I nod as I place my glass down. It hits the table with a loud thud, far too loud. “Yeah. I guess you could say it was a major crush. I used to dream we’d be together one day. But I never actually thought it would happen.”
“I can honestly say I had no idea,” Lukas says. “Obviously, I didn’t look at you in that way back then. Hell, no offense, but I hardly noticed you at all.”
I giggle. “How could I take offense at that? It was a silly little girl’s fantasy.”
“But what we’re sharing now, there’s nothing silly about it. And it’s not just a fantasy,” he growls.
“So the age gap doesn’t bother you?” I murmur.
I’m getting close to relationship-type talk here when Lukas still hasn’t said exactly what he wants with me. Maybe he’s just biding his time until I’m ready to have sex with him.
Or is there something more?
Please, please let there be something more.
“Does it bother you?” he counters.
“Hey, I asked you first.”
He chuckles deeply. I love making him laugh. It sounds so husky and warm, a real deep-chested laugh as though he can’t help it.
It makes me want to smile and throw my hands up in joy, leap across the table and climb into his lap, my body sizzles just at the thought.
“Fair enough.” He nods. “No, I don’t care about the age gap. I’m attracted to you, Lori. Not a number. And there’s…”
“What?” I murmur.
“Well, there’s nothing wrong with there being a few years between us. The way I see it, if we ever decide to take this further, then we’ve got a lot of time… to support each other if that makes sense.”
My head spins as I try to make sense of his words.
His expression causes even more confusion. His eyes are narrowed, his teeth gritted, as though he’s trying to hold back more.
It’s like he’s talking about possibly starting a family one day, having a future, but surely he can’t mean that.
Can I dare to hope?
“I’m sorry, but not really,” I say. “Do you mean if we get into a relationship?”
Finally, he stops gritting his teeth. “Yeah, that’s what I meant. If we were to get into a relationship, I’d be able to support you, help you follow your dreams of being a writer.”
My chest warms at his words. I’m smiling so widely my cheeks ache. “You’d really do that?”
“Of course,” he says matter of fact, as though it doesn’t have to be questioned even for a second.
“So I guess you don’t just want a quickie in the laundromat, huh?”
He smirks, but then this strange look comes into his eyes. It’s like he’s on the verge of panicking. But I’ve never seen Lukas look panicked, not when I was a kid and since we recently connected.
What could be causing him so much stress?
“No.” He turns down to the menu. “You deserve more than that.”
He studies the menu, and after a moment, I do the same. We spend the next few minutes talking about what we’re going to order. I settle on a spaghetti dish and Lukas orders a pizza. After the waiter has taken our order, I feel Lukas’s gaze on me.
“Lukas, is there something you want to say?”
“I was just wondering,” he says, “what your plans for the future are.”
“To try and finish a book.” I laugh. “I mean, the tenth time’s the charm, right?”
“You’ll do it, Lori. I know you will. But I meant, well, do you ever want to have kids, for example?”
My heart starts to pound so hard it feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest. I have to turn my gaze away so he doesn’t read the desperate hunger in my eyes, so he doesn’t realize he’s skirted close to my most sensitive issue, my most unlikely fantasy.
“I’d love to have children,” I say, keeping my tone as casual as I can.
“Oh yeah?” he says, husky voice trembling.
But whether he’s glad or disappointed or somewhere in between, it’s difficult to tell.