“No. Even then, I noticed Matthew. Oh Mother, what am I to do?”
“Even then you felt this way about him?”
“Not quite,” Jennette replied flatly. “I definitely felt an attraction to him. But I didn’t know him enough to be in love with him then.”
Her mother smiled lovingly at her. “And now that you do know him?”
“I want to spend every minute with him. I want to help him restore his finances and his estates. I want to have children with him.” Tears welled in her eyes. She’d never wanted anything more than this in her entire life.
“Does he love you in return?”
Jennette paused. She honestly didn’t know the answer. He made her feel loved but he’d never spoken the actual words. Could he love her as much as she did him? If so, why hadn’t he told her?
He’d told her how he felt five years ago. His words were imprinted in her mind forever.
“Jennette, I know this is wrong. You’re John’s betrothed but I must tell you how I feel. I am attracted to you in a way I should not be. Physically. And while I know you won’t do anything to hurt John, I thought you should know why I can’t be around you both any longer.”
“Jennette?”
She blinked at the sound of her mother’s voice. “I’m sorry?”
“I asked you if you believe Blackburn loves you in return.”
“I don’t know for certain.”
“Don’t you think you should find out before you plan out a life that might not happen?”
Jennette sighed softly. What if he didn’t love her? She’d always said she wanted a marriage like her parents’—one based on mutual love for each other. She’d seen the loveless marriages of the ton and would prefer to remain a spinster than have that type of union. She also knew several women who had loved their husbands only to have them not return the emotion. They became extremely bitter, especially as their husbands turned to their mistresses for love.
“Jennette?”
“How would I find out if he loves me?”
Her mother smiled at her. “There is only one way. You have to admit to him how you feel. If he loves you in return he will tell you.”
“And if he doesn’t?”
“Then you have a rather large decision to make. Do you think he could come to love you? Or is he the type of man who would marry you for your money and then return to his mistress?”
Jennette bit down on her lower lip until she tasted the metallic flavor of blood. She toyed with a loose thread on her gown. “I don’t know. He knows that I’m an heiress. And with his father and brother’s gambling…”
“Was he pursuing you just for your money?”
“Initially, yes. But once I told him I’d find him a bride, he seemed satisfied with that option. Do you think he might be a gambler, Mother?”
“Hmm,” her mother mumbled. “I think the only person who can give you a satisfactory answer is Blackburn. When did you two become close?”
Jennette felt the heat of embarrassment cross her cheeks. She couldn’t tell her mother when that had actually happened. Her mother would force a wedding whether Jennette loved Matthew or not.
“When we would talk about what type of woman he wanted for a bride. He spoke of his estates and you could just see the love he had for the land and his tenants.”
Her mother’s dark brows tilted upward. “And you want to be the one to help him.”
Jennette nodded. “More than anything.”
“Then perhaps you should go speak to him. See how he feels about you and then you can make your decision as to whether you will be traveling to Florence or staying here with your family and new husband.”
Jennette leaned over and kissed her mother’s soft cheek. “I cannot go to his home alone.”