Tessa removed her wrapper and eased into the steaming water. Her tense muscles relaxed slightly as she lay in the tub. Staring up at the white ceiling, all she could think of was how she had ruined her reputation, possibly ruined her sisters’ chances for a good match, and felt so terribly alone.
She hated self-pity but the thoughts wouldn’t leave her. She was nothing but a liar, even continuing the falsehoods with her sister, and the man she was falling in love with. There was no point in having a relationship with Jack when she couldn’t even tell him the truth about her life. The life she had completely destroyed by trying to make everyone else’s life better. And had it helped anyone but her mother? Louisa was no better off, still preferring her books to men and rejecting a viscount who had offered for her. Emma, well perhaps it was too soon to know with her youngest sister.
But her mother, now she had come a long way from the wife of a banker in Cornwall, barely scraping by most years. Now she had the favor of Society, the friendship of a duke, a viscount as a lover and several people, including her daughter, supporting her financially.
And what had Tessa gotten out of the mess she’d made? Three dead husbands and a curse, which meant she could never marry again or have children to love or friends. Just a de
ep abiding loneliness that threatened to overwhelm her some days. She wiped away a tear running down her cheek. But as she wiped one away, two more fell until she drew her legs up and let her head fall to her knees.
CHAPTER 17
Jack cracked open the door between the former lordship’s room and Tessa’s bedchamber. He only heard a small sound coming from the sitting room, but no sign of her maid. Easing himself through the doorway, he glanced around and discovered no sign of her in the bedroom. Anger still coursed in his veins over her lies about her father. He would confront her tonight and be done with her as his lover. Perhaps then, he could concentrate more fully on this case and determine if she had any involvement in her late husbands’ deaths or not. At this point, he couldn’t trust her and even though he doubted her connection to the deaths, he didn’t trust her to speak the truth about anything.
The sound of weeping finally reached his ears. He moved toward the doorway of her sitting room. When he noticed her in the tub, he stopped unable to move a step closer. The sound was heartbreaking and lessened the anger burning in him. He had no idea what might have upset her so completely, but he had to comfort her. Even as he walked into the room, she didn’t move as if consumed by sorrow. He picked up the large cotton cloth and wrapped it around her shoulders. Only then did she lift her head, allowing him to see the tears flowing down her cheeks.
“What are you doing here?” she cried. “I locked you out. You’re not supposed to be here.”
He wasn’t supposed to be here? That made no sense. “Apparently, you locked me in, not out because I have been in that bedroom since eight.”
“You need to leave...now!”
He lifted her out of the tub and into his arms. “I am not leaving until you tell me what has you so upset.”
She struggled against him to no avail. “We cannot do this any longer.”
“We are only going to talk,” he replied and then kissed the top of her head. “I just want you to get warm under the blankets.” He eased her down to the bed and then joined her as she tried to scramble away. He wrapped his arm around her, bringing her up against his chest. Feeling another tear hit his chest, he asked, “Why are you crying, Tessa?”
“I have ruined everything,” she mumbled against him. “My mother, my sisters, and even the duke know.”
Was she ready to finally confess? His heart dropped. He’d spent close to a fortnight with her and had convinced himself that she was innocent of the crimes. How could he have been so wrong?
“What did you tell them?” he reluctantly asked.
She pushed away with all her might and stared down at him. “What did I tell them? What could I say? Langport’s wife saw us leaving the ball together. She mentioned it at dinner tonight but did so by saying you were my lover. I was too shocked to say a word.”
He let out a relieved breath and gathered her back against his chest. “I am your lover, darling.”
He’d come here to end things with her and instead of agreeing that he should leave, he was trying to convince her that they should continue on as they have, which made no sense. But what made sense was the feeling of her body against his. The warmth between them. The desire that surged in him when she was near or only in his thoughts.
“Not any longer. We must stop,” she said with a hitch to her voice. “I cannot put my sisters’ reputation at risk because of my behavior. It is bad enough that I am cursed but at least most people believe that is my curse and not my sisters’.”
“And what about you?” he asked, trying to contain his anger. “Don’t you deserve to be happy?”
“No,” she whispered. “Apparently, I do not have that luxury.”
He rolled her over on her back and stared down in disbelief. “Of course you do, Tessa. You have already sacrificed five years of your life for them.”
“It’s all my fault, Jack. Can’t you understand that?”
“What is all your fault?” he whispered. He couldn’t help her if he didn’t know the true reason for her sorrow.
Tears welled in her eyes again. “Do you remember asking me why my mother never remarried instead of forcing me to marry for wealth and a title?”
“Yes.” He wiped away another tear from her face.
“She couldn’t remarry.”
“Why not?”