This was uncharted territory. “I know.”
“You say that, but I don’t think you do. For the longest time, it was just me and my mother. I didn’t… let myself have more than that. No matter how much I wanted it.” From down the hall came a burst of Sandy’s laughter, loud and obnoxiously bright, and I saw the small smile on Darren’s face. “And I wanted it a lot. But I told myself that things were easier the way I was doing them. That in the long run, I’d be happier without something tying me down.”
I didn’t know where he was going with this, so I didn’t say anything.
“And then Vince came,” he said. “And I was… happy. Because I’d never had anyone like him in my life before. He was funny and smart… in his own way. He looked at life so differently. He was kind and caring and believed in the good in people.”
“He was everything you weren’t,” I said quietly. Then I winced, realizing how that sounded. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it—”
“You’re right,” he said. He didn’t even sound angry about it. “He was everything I wasn’t. And I found myself thinking that maybe he could show me how to be a better person. That’s what brothers do, right? They make each other better. Only I had nothing to offer him. And he had everything to offer me. It didn’t seem fair. It still doesn’t.”
“Oh no,” I said. “You have… traits. And… qualities. That are good.”
“Thanks,” he said, rolling his eyes. “That truly made me feel better.”
“I’m not very good when you show feelings.”
“Is that why you look like you’re ready to bolt at the drop of a hat?”
“Exactly why.”
“Well, stop it.”
“I’m not sure I know how,” I admitted. “I’m really weirded out right now.”
“Can you just… listen?”
“Most of the time.”
“Paul.”
“Shutting up.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Okay. Just. Look. It was me and my mother. And then there was me and him. And then you came into his life. I knew who you were. Obviously. Because of Sandy. But I didn’t know you, okay? So when Vince starting talking about you, I honestly didn’t give two shits.”
“That… makes me feel a little better, actually. There’s the Darren I know.”
“But he continued talking about you. And Vince… you know Vince. He’s this light that none of us could ever hope to be. It’s just part of who he is. But it became brighter. Because of you. You were someone important to him. Do you remember the night I called when his mother died? When we didn’t know where he was?”
“You said he’d gone to his home.”
“And he’d shown up here,” he agreed. “With you. Because you were his home. Even after such a short amount of time, he already thought of you as his home.” He shook his head. “I thought he was being stupid about this, you know? That everything was happening too fast, that it was going to break apart, burn out before it could actually go anywhere. But then I stopped and listened. Paul, I really listened. Not just to him. But to you as well. I heard the way you talked to each other. And with every word you said, no matter if it was stupid or not, I could hear how much you loved him.”
I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “I do,” I managed to say. “A lot. More than anything.”
“I know. And it gave me the courage to finally go after what I wanted.”
“In a completely roundabout, ludicrous, eighties-movie-plot kind of way?”
He laughed. If you’d have told me three years ago the Homo Jock King would have been in my kitchen, laughing at something I’d said, I would have thought you were crazy. “Yeah, I guess it was,” he said. “But it all worked out in the end. I’ve got him now. And I don’t plan on letting him go.”
“That’s sweet,” I assured him. “Also creepy, but mostly sweet.”
“Vince loves you,” Darren said. “More than anything else in the world. And I’m not here to threaten you. Because I know you love him just as much. I just wanted to… shit. This is going to sound ridiculous, and I swear to God if you tell anyone I said this, I will make your life a living hell, you understand me?”
I nodded.
He rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at his feet. “I wanted to thank you. Because if there is anyone that deserves Vince, it’s you. You make him better. You make him happier. You make him the person I think he’s always wanted to be. And because of you and him, I finally get the chance to do the sa