“Kori,” I hissed. “I gave you the eyebrows. You know what that meant!”
“I couldn’t take it anymore. You were taking too damn long. Paul, he has my phone. I have been without my phone in my hand for almost five minutes. Do you understand what that means for someone of my generation? It’s like you took my pancreas.”
I squinted at her. “How is that like taking your—”
“It makes sense! I am a millennial. Someone might be tweeting something that I have an opinion on and will need to give said opinion unsolicited. It’s what we do.”
“It’s not about tweeting,” I said, sounding scandalized. “It’s about Daddy lying to us about his little somethin’ somethin’ he’s tapping on the side.”
Charlie drank the rest of his beer in one long gulp.
“Getting dark,” Kori whispered. “Can… barely… function… without… social media….”
“His name is Robert,” Charlie said, and that pretty much ended whatever it was Kori and I were doing.
“Robert,” I repeated.
“Robert and Charlie,” Kori said. “Okay. I can see this.”
“How long have you been dating him?” I asked.
That made him look even grumpier. “We’re not dating. That’s not what we’re doing.”
“Then what are you doing?” Kori asked.
“Oh my God,” I said. “Is this your fuck buddy? Did you just ask me if you could bring your fuck buddy to my wedding?”
“You watch your mouth,” Charlie said, pointing a finger at me. “I will not hesitate to get you over my knee, you understand me?”
“Yes, Daddy,” I said meekly.
“Good. Now, you get to ask five questions. No more. Make them count.”
“How old is he?” Kori blurted.
“That wasn’t even a good question,” I snapped at her.
“Excuse you, it was an excellent question.”
“Sixty-seven,” Charlie said.
“You cradle robber,” I said, suitably impressed.
“I’m not sure that’s how that works.”
“Okay,” I said. “My turn to ask a question. How long has he been your love bug?”
“Oh, like that was any better,” Kori muttered.
“We’ve been… enjoying each other’s company since just after the New Year,” Charlie said.
Enjoying each other’s company, Kori mouthed at me, before giving the universal sign of a blowjob, tongue firmly planted in her cheek. Literally.
“I can see you,” Charlie said. “In case you didn’t know.”
“I meant for you to,” Kori said. “How did you meet him?”
“How does anyone my age meet men these days?”