“Which is?”
“Where you squeezed my biceps and giggled like a little girl.”
“Jesus fucking Christ,” I muttered.)
The drag queen most certainly did not giggle like a little—
(“Are we all ready to order?” Santiago said, appearing out of nowhere and interrupting my story. “Vince? Darren? The rest of you who I don’t know nor do I care about?”
“You know, that should hurt my feelings more than it did,” Corey said. “I don’t know what that says about me that it didn’t.”
“It means you’re immune to twinks,” I said. “That’s a good place to be. Darren woul
dn’t know anything about that. He’s just rife with twinks.”
“Not anymore.” Darren gazed into my eyes. “Because of love. The love I have for you.”
I almost threw up a little bit in my mouth, but the others bought it completely if their sighs had anything to say about it. I couldn’t believe he was Daniel Day-Lewising everyone. It seemed impossible in the face of my Meryl, but he was quickly gaining the upper hand.
“I have lots of love to give,” Santiago said. “Darren probably remembers all about that. Right, Darren? Do you remember it? You ate peanut butter off my ass.”
“It’s like he has no shame,” Corey said. “It has to be a medical condition. Like, a thyroid issue or something. There has to be a medical explanation for the way he exists.”
“You ate peanut butter off his ass?” I said to Darren. “My god. You classy bitch. I treasure all our moments together. Our future is going to be lovely. You are not putting peanut butter on me at any point, you weirdo.”
“It wasn’t my idea,” Darren said, sounding grumpy as all hell. “Do I need to remind you again of the thread count of my very expensive sheets? And I didn’t actually do it. He picked up chunky peanut butter, put it on his ass, and it looked disgusting so I made him wash it off and leave.”
“With a promise to call him,” I said.
He rolled his eyes.
“You’ll never eat anything off my ass,” I said.
“Won’t matter as long as I can eat your ass instead.” He grinned widely.
“Hup,” Paul gagged. “Hup. Hup.”
“Bae, you’re making Paul sick,” I said.
“He just doesn’t understand our love.”
“I don’t think anyone would understand it,” I agreed.
“So, ordering?” Santiago asked. “Not ordering? Sexual favors? Anyone?”
“Come back later,” I said. “I was in the middle of a story about how Darren was in love with me and pining and couldn’t let me go without confessing. He even cried a little.”
Santiago threw his hands up in the air and walked away from our table.
“Dude,” Vince said to his brother. “You cried?”
“Like, full-on tears,” I said gleefully. “He had so many feelings.”
Darren pulled me to him and wrapped his arm around my neck, his lips near my ear. “I will fucking destroy you,” he growled.
“Promises, promises,” I whispered back and because I could, I let my lips trail along his jaw. He stiffened slightly and I could have sworn I heard a low groan, but I couldn’t be sure. He didn’t stop me as I pulled away. “Now. Where was I? Oh yes. Tears and feelings.”)
The Homo Jock King held the Queen in his arms and his lip quivered.