“No!” I coughed to clear my throat. “That’s not necessary.”
“Oh, but I insist. It’s the least I could do.”
“No need. Already told him.”
“Did you?”
“Sure. Oh look, it’s time to go. We don’t want to be late.”
“Right. Wouldn’t want to be late. To our double date with Vince, Paul, and Corey.”
Because that didn’t sound like a disaster at all. “You’re going to have to really sell this,” I told him. “Paul and Corey can see right through bullshit. Especially yours.”
“Then how are you all even friends?” Darren asked. “Because bullshit is pretty much all you do.”
“Okay, also, leave the humor to me.” I picked up my wallet and keys from the small table near the door. “You’re not as funny as you seem to think you are. It’ll make things less awkward for all of us. In fact, try not to talk at all, really. The less opinions you have on things, the better.” I turned toward the door, not even caring if he was following me.
“I think I’d like to hold hands,” Darren said, apropos of nothing. “For most of the night.”
I almost tripped over my feet. Luckily, I’d had years of practice wearing high heels and was able to make it look like I was performing a dance move. Which, for all he knew, I was. “Just practicing,” I said at his raised eyebrow. “You never know when I’ll need to dance.”
“Right,” he said. “Those spontaneous dances are the worst. So, hand-holding.”
“You want to hold hands.”
“Yes. I think that sounds like a good way to sell it. Don’t you?”
“Or,” I said, “we can tell them we’re not really into PDA and that we don’t touch each other o
utside of the bedroom. Or even there, really.”
“Or the bar,” he said.
“Or the bar,” I said begrudgingly.
“You know?” he said. “I don’t think that I’m the type of boyfriend to not be into PDA. In fact, I think that if I did have a boyfriend—which, for all intents and purposes I do—I’d want to hold hands and probably even kiss them in public. Multiple times, even.”
“Kissing?” I said, and my voice did not squeak, no matter what he said. It did not. “Why are we at kissing! We were just talking about holding hands! Slow your roll, Casanova.”
“Right,” Darren said. “But I think I’m going to need both to sell it. You know. Since they can see right through bullshit and all.”
“Did I say Paul and Corey were suspicious? I totally meant that they believed everything I said. Oops! Got my words mixed up again. Good talk. Glad we cleared that up. Okay! Let’s go and never discuss this again.”
I pulled on the doorknob, but a hand shot over my shoulder, pressing against the door. The hairs on his arm tickled my ear. I swallowed thickly and turned around. Darren brought up his other hand and bracketed my face between them.
“Nah,” he said, that infuriating smirk returning. “Pretty sure I like PDA. Maybe we should just practice. Just to make sure we do it right. I’d sure hate for our first kiss to be uncoordinated in front of witnesses. Especially ones who get suspicious.” He chuckled. “Oh. Wait. I mean the ones who believe everything you say.”
“What? No. No practicing. Why the hell would we need to do that? I don’t need to do that. In fact, I am perfectly fine not doing that. The practicing kissing part.” I wished quite severely that my voice wasn’t so high-pitched at that moment.
“I don’t know,” he said gravely. “I think it might be a good idea. Make sure we’re… coordinated and whatnot.”
“Coordinated? Why, of all the stupid—”
His eyes flickered down to my mouth and just what. That should not even be a thing that was happening to me.
My hands were sweaty and I cursed that low swooping sensation in the pit of my stomach. My heart was thundering in my chest and I wanted to tell him to take a step back, but my mouth was dry and the synapses were firing all at once, which would probably lead to a full system shutdown. So I said, “Urgh,” rather articulately. It was not one of my finest moments.
“Urgh,” Darren agreed, and I could feel his breath on my face. And then he was closer and all I could think of was that he was going to kiss me, that I was about to have my first kiss with Darren fucking Mayne and there was no way I was prepared for this, no way that I would have thought I’d let it get this far. I almost didn’t believe he would do it, like we were playing some fucked-up version of Fake Boyfriend Gay Chicken. He was inches away, only inches, and my eyes fluttered shut of their own accord and I knew his lips would scrape against mine and—