He put his face in his hands and groaned.
“Yeah,” I said. “I might not be explaining this as well as I should have. That’s on me. Look, why don’t we just sleep on this and we’ll talk about it next month sometime. Or never. Or you can just help me anyway and we won’t have to talk about it at all. Either way works for me.”
“Oh no,” he said with a bitter laugh. “That’s not going to happen. You are going to explain everything down to the smallest detail.”
I frowned at him. “I pretty much just did.”
“Sandy.” He sounded slightly pained. “I came here to talk about the wedding between my brother and your best friend. In response, you then told me you needed to suck my cock to save a gay bar. Can you see the disconnect here?”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course that’s the part you’d focus on, you Neanderthal. Maybe start thinking with your big head instead of your little head.”
“There’s nothing little—”
“La la la, don’t care! And wipe that stupid smug grin off your face. It’s gross and no one wants to see that. I will karate chop your face off if you try anything, don’t think I won’t. I was on Groupon and I found a discounted self-defense class that I went to one time, so I know my shit.”
“Oh yes,” he said. “That Groupon karate class you went to one time. How intimidating.”
“Are you arguing with me about having your way with me?” I said incredulously.
“What? No! Jesus Christ.”
“Just Sandy will be fine,” I said, because I was an asshole.
He was annoyed, which made me happy. “Explain, Sandy. Now.”
“Ooh, you’re getting all growly—”
“Sandy!”
“Right, right.” I began to pace in front of him, unsure of where to start. “Okay, so your dad is an asshole.”
Darren snorted and folded his arms over his chest. “Noted.”
“And there’s Renew Tucson.”
“Okay,” he said slowly. “The revitalization project that’s been going nowhere for years.”
“It’s going somewhere,” I assured him.
“Really.”
“And there are contracts!”
“So, essentially, you’re going to give me this in bits and pieces at a time,” Darren said. “Because of course you would.”
“Like a puzzle,” I agreed. “And shut up. I wasn’t planning on having it go this way. I’m flustered and no, it’s not because of you.”
“Right,” he said dryly. “You were just going to seduce me to get me to do your bidding. Because that’s how real life works and all. And you lasted what… two, three minutes? Way to see that one through. Your tenacity is astounding.”
“I’m spunky and quirky,” I groaned, barely resisting the urge to bang my head against the wall. “How is this my life?”
“Why do I get the impression you ask yourself that often?”
I glared at him. “You’re not helping.”
“Because I’m so inclined to help you right this second.”
“Hey! You should be. This is, like, super important.”