“Because you both have been here before.”
“Yes,” I said.
“Hmm,” the bouncer said.
Then Paul sneezed and his mustache flew off his face and landed on the cheek of the bouncer.
The silence that followed was slightly awkward.
“Huh,” Paul said. “I guess that’s easier than shaving. It’ll certainly revolutionize the facial hair industry.”
I choked on my tongue as the bouncer slowly peeled the wet mustache off his cheek, looking less than amused. And he might have been much, much older, but there was no doubt he could squash us both with his freakishly large hands.
He held out the mustache to Paul.
Paul took it back. He grimaced as he put it back under his nose.
“So,” the bouncer said. “This must be really awkward for you.”
“You have no idea,” I said.
“Well, maybe we should—”
“Charlie! Yoo-hoo. Charlie. Be a dear and help me, won’t you? I swear, my lady balls are about to pop out all over the sidewalk. We certainly can’t have that happening, now can we?”
And then she entered the world.
There are definitive moments in everyone’s life, moments that will help shape and define who you are and who you will become. Meeting Paul was a moment. Realizing I was gay was a moment. My parents’ death was a moment.
And this six-foot-four drag queen stumbling our way carrying an armful of shiny costumes, the sequins flashing in the street lights, multiple wigs tucked under her chin, barefoot with red vinyl thigh-high boots slung over her shoulder… well.
She was a moment.
“Who is that?” I whispered.
No one heard me, but I didn’t expect them to. I didn’t know if I’d have heard an answer anyway, given that all of my attention was on this glorious creature who moved like casual chaos. The bouncer (Charlie, she’d called him) moved toward her and caught her right before she dropped everything onto the sidewalk. She grinned at him, all lipstick and sharp teeth. “Well, aren’t you just a knight in shining armor,” she purred. “Saving little old me from certain doom. Why, if I didn’t know any better, kitten, I would thin
k you were trying to court me.”
Charlie huffed out a laugh. “Darling, if I was courting you, you’d know it. Most likely because you’d have ended up over my knee with that pert little ass stinging from my hand.”
“Ooh,” she moaned. “The thought alone is enough to make my thighs quiver.”
“An image I will now never be without,” Charlie said. He began to relieve her of her burdens, draping the shiny material carefully in his arms.
“Yes, I’m sure,” she said. “How fortunate for you. You’re one of a very select few who…. Okay, we both know that’s a lie. I’ve spent so much time with my legs in the air, I’m thinking about getting a sign that says open twenty-four hours a day.”
“Holy shit,” Paul choked.
She locked onto Paul and me with her razor-sharp gaze over Charlie’s shoulder. “Well, well, well,” she said, arms free now that Charlie held everything. “What have we here?” She pushed her way around Charlie, slinking her way toward us, hips rolling, one foot snapping out in front of the other as she prowled. “I didn’t know we were having a middle-school field trip with us today. But I suppose it’s better to recruit early than not at all, hmm? I mean, that’s what the zealots are all concerned with. May as well prove them right.”
She came to stand in front of me, eyes coolly assessing. I forgot to be nervous because I was completely distracted by the amount of bangles she had clinking along her arms and the gaudily large hoop earrings in her ears. Her makeup was expertly applied, carefully straddling the line between just enough and far too much. Even though she wasn’t much taller than I was, she seemed larger than life, and I adored her.
“I want to be you when I grow up,” I breathed.
And she laughed. “Well now, aren’t you adorable, chicken.”
I scowled at her. “I’m not a chicken.”