“Ish,” Nana coughed.
“What?” Darren asked, going pale.
Sherry rolled her eyes. “So I experimented in college. Everyone does it. I went through my bra-burning, no armpit shaving, dating women phases just like everyone else.”
“I didn’t get to have one of those phases,” Matty said sadly.
“Do you want to?” Larry asked. “I could probably be okay with it. Except for the dating women thing.”
“You did what?” Darren asked, sitting up and turning to look up at his mother.
“Don’t be such a prude, Dare,” Sherry said.
“I don’t think Darren knows what that word means,” Kori said.
“Hey,” I said. “That’s my boyfriend you’re talking about. But that’s entirely accurate.”
“Thanks for backing me up,” Darren grumbled.
“Anytime, bae.” I kissed his cheek.
“And I also probably want you to keep shaving your armpits,” Larry said to Matty. “Not that I don’t respect you as a woman and an individual, I just don’t think I could find that attractive.”
Matty smiled at him. “That was the nicest way I’ve ever heard anyone try
and stifle my gender.”
“If you’re going to try and date me,” Nana said to Sherry, “you should probably know that I get a little weird.”
“I already guessed that part,” Sherry said.
“I don’t think you have any room to talk,” Charlie told me. “Mike told me about what you and Darren—”
“And that’s enough of that story,” I said quite loudly. “Because there are other more important things to talk about.” And I wanted to stay as far away from Darren’s and my relationship being involved in the conversation until quite a long time from now. We hadn’t told the parents or Nana about the whole fake dating fiasco, and had no plans to. It was just easier to let them believe we’d been together all along. I could keep a lid on it. Easy. No worries.
Okay, maybe there was a little bit of worry.
“And you probably shouldn’t burn your bras,” Larry said. “Because you look nice in them, and also, they’re expensive. I should know. I see them on the credit card statement.”
“Maybe I just wouldn’t wear them at all,” Matty said.
“Whoa,” Larry said. “That opens up a whole other avenue of discussion.”
“Of which we probably shouldn’t be having right now,” Paul cut in.
“If you’re going to be Nana’s girlfriend,” Vince told Sherry, “you have to watch telenovelas with her. They’re not like normal shows because they’re not in English and they have, like, four hundred episodes a month.”
“No one is being anyone’s girlfriend.” Darren sounded like he was on the verge of panicking.
“Like she’d be able to resist after she sees me twerk,” Nana said. “I’m hot like burning.”
“You should just let your freak flag fly,” Kori told her.
“I don’t know what I just got myself into,” Sherry said.
“That’s okay,” Matty said. “It’s pretty much a normal feeling around here. Remind me to include you in our group text message chats from here on out. The things you’ll hear in them will put hair on your chest.”
“I don’t think that’s quite how that works,” Larry said.