“Bunch of dicks,” Paul grumbled. “What were we talking about?”
“Your parents and Nana,” Corey said, picking up Wheels. He unlatched the cart from his butt and started rubbing his stomach. Wheels, the slut, let his tongue loll out and his eyes rolled back in his head.
“Right,” Paul said. “That was the point. They love you. And you lied to them. You lied to all of us.”
“To be fair,” I said, “it wasn’t all of you. Charlie knew. And Darren. And Mike. And I think Corey almost figured it out.”
Corey nodded. “I did.” Then he shook his head. “Okay, that was a lie. I didn’t figure it out at all. I just wanted to sound cool like the rest of you.”
“Oh my god,” Paul groaned. “You guys, we have to stick with the plan!”
I arched an eyebrow at the three of them. “There was a plan?”
“I get to be Good Cop,” Vince said proudly. “And Paul is Bad Cop.”
“Vince!” Paul said. “You weren’t supposed to tell him!”
“What’s Corey?” I asked.
“Corrupt Cop,” Corey said. “I side with whichever person benefits me and the situation the most.”
“I wanted to be Corrupt Cop,” Vince said with a pout. “But Paul said I couldn’t because I’d always side with him. And yeah, I would have because he is my most favorite person in the world, but I still could have done it.”
“We discussed this,” Paul told him. “You’re so in love with me that choosing any side other than mine causes you physical pain.”
“No, you said that you would cause me physical pain,” Vince reminded him.
“Same difference,” Paul said.
“Paul beats me,” Vince announced solemnly. “But I can’t leave him because he’s my baby’s daddy and I love him and I swear he’s gonna change.”
Corey grimaced. “You guys have really weird sex games.”
“You should see his sex face when I do this one thing with my thumb,” Vince said. “It’s like Super Mega Sex Face and—”
“Intervention!” Paul growled.
“I thought you said this was actually supposed to be an interrogation instead.”
“I know,” Paul whispered back, as if I couldn’t hear the both of them. “But we’re telling him it’s an intervention just so he’s more willing to believe us.”
“What they said,” Corrupt Cop agreed.
Paul elbowed Vince.
“Should I start now?” Vince asked, looking suddenly nervous.
Paul sighed.
Vince looked at me and coughed. He winced slightly, did this weird thing with his eyes where he sort of squinted at me, and then I was suddenly hit by the amazing power that was his full-on smile, wide and bright and beautiful. He looked so soft and warm and kind and I just loved him.
“Hi, Sandy,” he said smoothly.
“Hi, Vince,” I said.
“We’re all here today because we love you,” he said.
“So much love,” Corey said. “Listen to Vince. He knows what he’s talking about.”