“Slut,” Kori said.
“Not in the slightest.” I stood back up. “I just like to have sex with different people on a regular basis.”
“And that’s totally different than what Darren does,” Kori said.
“Of course it is. I’m not a douche about it. Or anything else.”
“Mostly,” Paul said.
I turned my glare toward him.
“Or at all,” he quickly amended.
“Better. Now, all of you tell me how pretty I look and how amazing I am and one thing you like about me and then get out of my sight. I need a moment to prepare before I grace the world with the magic of my body.”
“What I love most about you is that you’re so humble,” Kori said.
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“I’m a drag queen,” I retorted. “I don’t have time to be humble. Now fake kiss me and get the fuck out.”
Kori air-kissed each of my cheeks. “You look very pretty and you’re amazing and I like when you make me pancakes when I feel sad.”
“That’s because I love you.” I pushed a lock of her hair away from her face. “Get out.”
She grinned and headed for the stairs.
Vince was next. “You are very pretty and amazing and I like your face and your eyebrows and also the way you watch cartoons with me even though I know you think they’re stupid.”
“It’s because they are,” I assured him. “I love you. Go the fuck downstairs.”
He kissed the back of my hand and followed Kori out of the Lair.
“You’re going to be kickass,” Paul said seriously.
“I usually am,” I said. “But it’s nice to know you think so.”
“I think you’re pretty.”
“Aren’t I?”
“And amazing.”
“Oh stop! Tell me more.”
“Your pre-crazy Britney ensemble is some of your finest work. Your makeup is flawless. Your boobs look so real, I want to motorboat them and then feel awkward about it afterward. You give good hugs and have evenly shaped nostrils. Also, I think it’s only a matter of time before you get discovered, have a rise to fame for doing absolutely nothing, somehow get your own reality TV show, get addicted to cocaine and plastic surgery, then get ridiculed in the tabloids before you disappear, only to have people recognize you ten years from now as that one chick who did that one thing that one time, but nobody really remembers what.”
To be honest, I was a little choked up at that. “You really think I can do all of that? That might possibly be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
“That’s a little fucked up.”
“I know.” I sighed. “Isn’t it just wonderful? I love you.”
“Are we going to talk about this Darren thing ever?”
“I’m loving you a whole hell of a lot less. Get out, you bitch.”
He rolled his eyes and kissed me gently on the cheek, making sure to not smudge my makeup. I’d trained him well. He closed the door behind him as he headed down the stairs.