“Parents?”
He hesitated. “Out of town for the next couple of weeks.”
“Friends?”
“No one I’d feel comfortable with.”
“Well, then, I wonder who we could get to sit up with you for a while?”
And, of course, it was obvious where it was going from there. Both Doc Hal and Vince turned to me at the same time, and I tried to count the ceiling tiles while pointedly pretending I hadn’t heard any part of the conversation.
No one said anything, and I knew it had become a contest of wills to see who would crack first,
though I couldn’t figure out why Doc Hal wanted to play. Maybe he saw how uncomfortable I was, or maybe he was a secret closet romantic who thought he was doing something sweet when all I wanted to do to him was wipe that knowing smirk off his face with some brass knuckles. But then I realized I didn’t know where to buy brass knuckles, or even if those were real things anymore, so I sighed, resigned to my fate. “You guys totally planned this, didn’t you?”
Doc Hal and Vince exchanged a look I couldn’t quite place. “I don’t know what you mean,” Doc Hal said blandly. “Now, since you will be taking care of the man you injured, there are a few things you should know.”
I winced. Vince chuckled. Bastard.
“You need to keep an eye out for any symptoms such as dizziness, dilated pupils, nausea. If those start to occur, it might be a good idea for him to get back here for further tests. I’ve given him a mild painkiller, but he’ll need to stay awake for a few hours before he can sleep, so it’s up to you to keep him up.”
“I’m sure we can think of a few things,” Vince said, waggling his eyebrows.
“None of that for the next day or so,” Doc Hal admonished slightly.
Vince pouted.
“No sex,” Doc Hal told me. “I’m not releasing him to you just so you can molest him in his weakened state.”
“But… it’s….” I sputtered. “It’s not… I don’t….”
“No buts,” he said sternly, like I was trying to disagree with him.
“Wow,” Vince said. “Maybe you should hit me with your car more often. Arguing with the doctor about sex with me? That’s hot.”
If looks could kill, Vince would have exploded in a blast of meat and blood given the way I glared at him. “I’m not arguing,” I hissed at him. “I’m not going to have sex with you!”
“You can this weekend,” Doc Hal said as if trying to soothe me. “He just needs some rest before he should try to get it up.”
I was horrified. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“You cleared from work the next few days?” Doc Hal asked him.
Vince looked at me.
I scowled at him.
He waited.
“Fine,” I said. “Yes. I told them what happened and that you’d need a few days off. Everyone says they are thinking of you, and they called me a jerk for putting you in the hospital. Tad told me to tell you that he hopes you get better soon so he can take you in the supply closet next time. I fucking hate that guy so fucking much. He’s such a little bitch.”
“Paul and I made out in the supply closet,” Vince told Doc Hal. “I think hitting me with his car was kind of his revenge. Or maybe foreplay. He might be into some kinky shit, I dunno.”
“Like he needs to hit things with his car to get off?” Doc Hal asked, glancing at me. “That brings a whole new meaning to the word ‘autoerotic’.”
“Are you even allowed to say things like that?” I growled at the doctor.
“I don’t get it,” Vince said, sounding confused again.