“I can imagine what it looks like.” She licked her lips. “And I have a very active imagination.”
I glared at her. “Then you know he’s all big and hot and ripped and muscular and sexy and hot.”
“That’s quite a list of adjectives.”
“And then there’s me.”
“Do you want some more adjectives? How about neurotic?”
“I’m being serious! He’s going to want to get naked and when he does, he’ll be all like, ‘Oh, hey, look at me. I just came from the gym and my abs are so rock hard and perfect and I have thighs of steel.’ And then I’ll get naked and be all like, ‘Oh hey, look at me. I just came from Denny’s and I look like I swallowed a baby.’”
“Well, if you are already thinking about swallowing babies, at least you’re on the right track,” she pointed out. Like a jerk.
“Helena!”
“Paul!”
“You’re not helping.”
“What do you want me to do?” she snapped. “I suppose I could say that Vince probably has a pretty good idea what you look like under there and he wants you anyway. I could tell you it doesn’t matter what you look like under there because you’re perfect just the way you are. I could tell you that out of everyone in the world, Vince has chosen you to fall in love with, though sometimes I wonder if it’s going to be worth it for him in the end, given how you’re doing nothing but bitching and moaning and trying to find ways to talk yourself out of the good that is right in front of you. I could tell you all of that, but then I would just be repeating myself because I’ve told you that time and time again. So, instead, I’ll just tell you to get over yourself before you fuck up the best thing that has ever happened to you and go get fucking laid. You get me?”
“Dude,” I said in awe. “You are like a fucking Amazonian princess right now.”
She was pleased. “Really? I was trying to be pretty scary.”
“I was very scared. Like, quaking in my boots scared. And I’m not even wearing boots.”
“Good.”
“I’m scared. For real.”
She sighed. “Don’t be. You’re going to rock his world. Just make sure to watch your teeth around his balls.”
I was scandalized and I let it show, but I had run out of excuses. “Will you let Wheels out for me tonight?” I asked in a quiet voice.
She leaned over and gave me a sticky kiss on my cheek. “Of course, baby doll. I’ll just take him home with me, how about that?”
“Okay.”
“Stop looking like you’re going to your death. Think about his penis in your man pussy and smile, for fuck’s sake.”
Before I could even think of a retort, the crowd parted and Vince walked through like he was some hot version of Moses.
“You ready?” he asked me with a grin.
I nodded.
“I was just telling Paul here that he needs to press against your taint right before you come,” Helena said. “It’ll make you jizz that much harder. So make sure you let him know right before you blow so he can push it real good.”
“And that’s our cue to le
ave,” I said, grabbing Vince by the hand and pulling him away.
“I’ll make sure he does it and let you know what happens,” he called back to her, which caused me to almost trip and fall flat on my face.
“Have fun getting dicked, Paul!” she shouted as loud as she could. Everyone around us stopped talking to each other and started clapping as I pushed my way through toward the rear exit. Wolf whistles followed us, and a few people reached down and swatted our asses as we walked by. I kept my head down, my eyes at the ground in front of me, refusing to look up as apparently Helena was the Queen Bitch of the world and felt the need to announce my business to everyone (though, a small, quiet part of me didn’t have a problem with reminding me that I’d literally just been almost fucking Vince up against the wall like I was a bitch in heat. I hated that small, quiet part).
We got outside and onto the street before I looked up again.