“I’m not a kid.”
“Eh. That’s really not true.”
“Dom wants me to move in with him.”
I tense up. He feels it, he has to with my arm around him, but he waits. “I know. He hasn’t been… subtle.”
“I don’t think he knows how. He’s like Otter that way. He wants something, so he goes for it.”
I sigh. “That can’t possibly be healthy that we’re both with guys like that. What does that say about us?”
“We have impeccable taste.”
“Right. Maybe I’m not ready for you to go.”
“And maybe I’m not ready for you and Otter to have kids.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah.”
“You already told him you’re moving in with him?”
He nods slowly. “It’s… it would have happened. Eventually. I was already planning on commuting for the classes I wasn’t going to take online. And it’s just down the road. I’ll be over here all the time. So much so you probably will get sick of me.”
I laugh quietly. “I’m already sick of you, and you’ve only been home a few hours. But Izzie will need it too.”
“Bullshit. You love me.”
“Yeah. We all have our faults, I guess.”
We’re quiet for a time, each of us a little lost, I think. Because things are changing, and even though I wanted it—craved it, even—it’s still scary.
Then he says, “I wish she’d loved us more.”
And my heart breaks at that. Because no one should ever have to go through life finding out what it felt like to have a mother’s disdain. I pull him closer. “I know. Sometimes—I don’t think she knew how. And that’s not on you. Or me. That’s on her.”
“But—”
“No, Kid. There is nothing you could have done differently. There is nothing you should have done differently. This—all of this, everything that she ever was, that’s on her. That’s never on you. She didn’t have it in her. I don’t know why. Maybe she was broken. Maybe she was wired differently. Maybe she just wasn’t capable of it. I don’t know. But it’s not on you.”
“She fucked us up.”
And that’s hard to hear, because it’s probably true. “We got past it, though, huh?”
He scoffs. “Did we? Once an addict, always an addict, Papa Bear. And my head’s still a little fucked. So is yours.”
“Otter says it adds to my charm.”
He’s trying to stay serious, but I can see the smile curving along the edges of his lips. “He’s biased. So is Dom.”
“Yeah. We’re lucky like that.”
The smile fades. “She did this to us.”
“Maybe. Or maybe we did it to ourselves. And you know what? Maybe it doesn’t matter. We are who we’re supposed to be now. Everything that’s happened to us, it’s—it hasn’t been easy. I know that. But we’ve made it through, and we’re whole, Kid. We are. Things are good. Or they will be. It’s scary now. I’m scared. But I also know that I want this more than anything else.”
“Izzie too?”