“Oh,” Otter says. “That’s—”
“Disgusting,” I say.
“Hormones,” Marty says. “The body’s chemicals are all out of whack and can lead to some… surprising discoveries. It’s pretty radical how the body reacts during a pregnancy. It’s a crazy thing to witness up close.”
I’m convinced he’s making that sexual, and I have to resist the urge to reach over and punch him in the ear.
“Are you guys getting excited?” he asks us as he pulls Megan’s feet into his lap, beginning to massage them. “I’m sure you get that question a lot.”
“We do,” Otter says, scratching the back of his neck. “But—yeah, we are. It’s different? I guess. Than we thought it would be.”
“How so?”
“Well, we are having two instead of one,” I say wryly. “That’s a big difference.”
“Right,” Marty says, and Megan sighs as he pushes his thumb into the arch of her foot. I’m starting to feel a little uncomfortable. “I think that was a surprise to all of us. The human body is a gift that keeps on giving. And when you bring your semen into the mix, the results are explosive.”
“Wow,” I say. “That’s…. I don’t know what that is.”
“Bear says he has super sperm,” Otter adds helpfully.
“I should think so,” Marty says. “Megan says you don’t want to know the sex of the super-secret surprise baby either.”
“Super-secret surprise baby,” Otter chokes out. “Holy hell.”
I glare at Marty. “Do you know?”
“Nope,” he says easily. “Just about the boy. Like you guys do.”
“My doctor and I are the only ones,” Megan says, eyes closed. “I made him leave the room so he wouldn’t hear.”
“That way, we’ll all be surprised,” Marty says. “I tried to convince Megan to consider a water birth, but she thought that might be too much for you.”
“Water birth?” Otter asks.
“It’s magical. The mother spends the final hours of her labor submerged in a birthing pool filled with warm water. Everything comes out and floats, and it’s just a beautiful thing to witness.”
“That might be too much,” I say with a strangled voice.
“We’ll save that for our own,” Megan says.
“By then, I’ll be a certified doula,” Marty says. “I’ll build the birthing pool myself as a testament to my love for her and as a display of my virility. Then, once she’s ready, I will bathe her in the birthing juice that’s—”
“Don’t scare them,” Megan admonishes lightly. “I told you how Bear gets.”
Marty squints at me. “He does look pale.”
“I’m fine,” I say faintly.
Otter puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close. “You plan on having your own after this?” he asks, changing the subject like the amazing man that he is.
“Yes,” Marty says, rubbing Megan’s heel. “In a couple of years, it’ll be our turn.”
“Why do you do this?” I ask him, suddenly curious. “Both of you?”
“Do what?”
“All of this. The classes. Becoming a doula. Being a surrogate. Dating a surrogate. And wow, I didn’t mean that how that sounded. Of course you can date a surrogate. I didn’t mean—”