“Dad says I was very expressive with my bowels,” JJ says, lying on the floor for reasons I don’t quite understand.
“We thought he was broken,” Creed agrees. “Like, just leaking or something. I told Anna that we should call a plumber, because it’d be cheaper. She didn’t think that was very funny.”
“Mom says that Dad’s humor is a detriment to society,” JJ says.
“Yeah,” Creed says. “We just love each other a lot.”
“It’ll be fine,” I say. “I’m lucky that I even get those twelve weeks. And Otter will do well.”
“And if you have questions, you know you can always ask me,” Creed says. “You know I’m an expert by now. I’ve got this shit locked down—JJ, do not reach down the garbage disposal. You know that Jesus will curse you and all your teeth will fall out if you do. He is always watching you.”
“Jesus is so creepy,” JJ mutters, but he pulls his hand out of the sink.
“I am not practically married,” Ty snaps, coming in from the living room. He’s scowling at the laptop he’s carrying in his hands. “Just because I live with my boyfriend doesn’t mean—”
“Ah, marital bliss,” a voice says from the screen.
Tyson growls at it and sets it on the table in front of Otter and me. “You deal with her, because I am not awake enough for this.”
Kori Ellis grins at us from the screen, her hair curling around her shoulders, looking remarkably put-together for it only being half past eight in the morning on a Saturday. “Why hello there,” she says, leaning toward the camera. “I do believe there are a pair of DILFs on my screen, and I didn’t even have to put my credit card number in.”
“Hi, Kori.” Otter grins a little at the attention.
“What about me?” Creed asks. “They don’t even have a kid yet. I already have two.”
Kori flutters her eyelashes. “There are three of you there? My oh my. What is a girl to do with all of that? I know. First things first. Otter, take off your shirt and play with your—”
“Hi, Kori!” JJ says, pushing between Otter and me, waving at the computer screen.
“Fantasy ruined,” Kori says with a wide smile. “JJ, how nice of you to barge in.”
“So gross,” Ty mutters as he munches on some granola bar that looks like it was made from chopped-up vegans.
“Please,” Kori scoffs. “It’s not my fault that your family is all made up of hot dads. Seriously. It makes my loins quiver.”
“What does that mean?” JJ asks.
“It means that Kori needs to find herself a special friend instead of telling my son about it,” Creed says, eating a Cheerio that had been stuck to AJ’s ear.
“Oh, she has, though,” the Kid says, sounding rather gleeful at the prospect. “She’s just not doing a damn thing about it.”
“Really?” Otter says, leaning forward.
And wonder of all wonders, Kori is blushing, like she’s been caught. “No,” she sputters. “Tyson is just projecting, like he is known to do. There is absolutely nothing happening.”
“It’s her former professor,” Ty says. “Kori’s got a lady-boner for him and refuses to admit it.”
“That’s not what’s happening,” Kori says with a scowl. “You don’t get to—”
“That’s pretty much what’s happening,” another voice says. And then a man is leaning down into the frame over the back of the couch Kori is sitting on. He’s heavier, with dark hair and blue eyes, wearing what looks to be biking shorts that are leaving nothing to the imagination.
“Oh no,” Tyson breathes from somewhere behind me.
“This is going to be the greatest moment of my life,” Kori whispers fervently, eyes wide.
“Hey,” the man says. “I’m Paul. Paul Auster.”
“Oh,” I say. “Ty’s told us about you. You just got married, right? Congratulations.”