He smiles at her, and for a moment, I’m reminded of when I caught them in the hallway, years ago, his hand in her hair. “Always,” he says. “Call you?”
She nods. “Time to go, Benny boy.” She takes his hand as Dom leans down to hug him with one arm.
“You be good for your mom,” he says.
Ben looks back at me as his dad stands back up. “You live here now?”
“In my house, yes,” I say.
He nods as if this makes perfect sense. Then they’re gone. I hear the door shut. The car starts. And then it’s almost perfectly quiet, aside from the creaking of the house and the screaming in my head.
Get out. Get out. Get out getoutgetoutgetout.
“I have to go,” I say. I take a step toward the doorway. Dom blocks it again. He doesn’t move. Just stares out the window. “Dominic. I need to—”
“Divorced,” he says without looking at me. “A little while after Ben was born. What did you call it? Shotgun wedding.”
“I didn’t mean—”
“I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought it was for the best. Funny how these things turn out. We made better friends than we ever did husband and wife. I suppose that’s more than most people could ask for.”
I say nothing.
“She remarried. Last year. Great guy. He’s a doctor at the hospital. Loves Ben as if he were his own. Treats him like a prince. Treats her like she’s a queen. I couldn’t ask for more.”
I can. What about you? What do you get from all of it?
He finally looks at me. “And I’d do it again,” he says roughly. “If it meant I could have Ben, I’d do it all again. The same way. Every time. Nothing has been the same because of him. I’d do it again.”
“Yeah. Okay.” I don’t know what else to say.
“You left.”
“I know.”
“You cut me out.”
“I know.”
“I’m sorry.”
“What?” He shouldn’t be. He’s done nothing wrong. “Why?”
“That I’d do it again. For him.”
“He’s your son. You’re supposed to say things like that.”
“What about you?” He looks out the window again. Soft sunlight follows the strong curve of his jaw.
“What about me?”
“You… you’re you.”
“I’m me.”
“I know how my life is,” he says. “Because of Ben, I know routine. That’s all I know.”
“As it should be.”