“That look almost worked on me,” I tell him. “Almost.”
“That’s your face you make when you want something?” the Kid asks incredulously. “Otter, that made you look like you were surprised and constipated at the same time. You totally need to work on that. Bear?
?s a huge pushover when you get it right.”
I glare at him. “I am not!”
“Oh, you’re so right, Papa Bear,” he says seriously. Then he grins a dazzling smile, and his eyes go wide. “Can I have some soy ice cream since I’m almost done with my homework? Fractions are awfully hard, but I think I’m doing okay. I just need a little pick-me-up.”
I stand up and pat his hand. “Sure, Kid. You’ve been doing awesome so far, so you deserve a little something.” I go to the freezer and pull out his ice cream, dishing some in a bowl and getting a spoon and putting it in front of him before sitting back down.
“See?” the Kid says to Otter.
My brow furls. “Wait a minute—”
“Wow,” Otter says. “That was incredible to watch. So I’ve got to make my eyes look bigger and smile harder?”
“Kid, did you just play me again—”
“Your eyes and mouth are way too wide now, Otter. You look like you’re caught in the headlights, and you’re happy you’re about to get hit.”
How dare they ignore me! “I can get what I want with looks too—”
“Kid, I’m also trying to have sexy in my eyes too, you know? To make Bear melt a little so he’s putty in my hands.”
“I’m not putty—”
The Kid rolls his eyes. “What would I know about sexy? I’m nine. Now, love and romance, I know. I was the one that got you two together, after all.”
“You were not—”
“Did I ever tell you thank you for that, Kid? I can’t remember if I did or not.”
“He didn’t do anything—”
“That’s okay, Otter. I know you meant to but just got busy. Bear’s obviously a lot to deal with, so I wasn’t upset.
“I’m just going to start saying random things now—”
“Good, because I was worried you thought I didn’t appreciate everything you did,” Otter says.
“I’m leaving you both for a trucker named Duke—”
“You shouldn’t have to worry,” the Kid says. “You’ve done a lot for us.
I know that. It’s the least I could do to make sure you guys realized you belonged together.”
“And Duke and I are going to run an ostrich farm outside Oklahoma City—”
“I realized it right away,” Otter says. “It was your brother that took some convincing.”
“And Duke and I will adopt a pair of Pekingese, and I’ll name them Robert Redford and Beyoncé—”
“I’m glad you stuck with it,” the Kid says, shoveling more ice cream in his mouth. “I know Bear isn’t the easiest person to convince. You gotta take the whole ‘wear him down’ method. Usually, he’ll cave.”
“And then one day, Robert Redford and Beyoncé will have babies, and I’ll sell them in a box on the side of the road because Duke says we don’t have enough room at the ostrich farm, and I’ll be sad, but I’ll understand, and I’ll make sure each one gets a good home because, dammit, it’s what Robert Redford and Beyoncé would want!”
Otter and the Kid are both staring at me. “What the hell are you talking about?” Otter frowns.