“I’ve done it well enough for the last three years,” I pant, blood pounding in my ears. “Or have you forgotten already? Have you forgotten how you were a coward and left everything behind? You don’t think that people are going to ask questions about you?”
She shrugs, and the feeling to hit her comes rising back up. “They can ask all they want, Bear. I’ll say I was sick and needed to go away. Or that I had to leave for work and left you in charge. Or any number of things that I can think of. I will not have my son being raised by you. You’re too late for me to save, but it will not happen to Tyson.”
“You would never do that,” I say incredulously. “You’re not that coldhearted, to do that to him. If you take him away from here, you will destroy him, and I swear on everything I have that I would die before l
etting you do that.”
She smiles at me, displaying slightly yellowed teeth. “I would be helping him, in the long run. He’ll see. He’ll hate it at first, but one day, he’ll understand why I did what I did. Tyson will learn that everything that you’ve become would have led him down the same path. He’ll thank me, and he’ll love me, because I am his mother.”
I shake my head. “I won’t let you do this.”
“You don’t have a choice, Bear,” she says. “You should have thought of this before you lowered yourself to the gutter. You could have stopped this from happening. In a way, all of this is your fault.”
“No,” I say, not wanting to believe her. She’s not right. She can’t be right. The storm roars deftly overhead, and I think I hear the voice screaming in my head, but I can’t make out what it’s saying, and then it’s gone, lost in the wind.
“Yes,” she says. “Yes, and now, if you don’t mind, call Otter and tell him to bring Tyson back here. If you don’t, I will call the police, and we will let them decide.”
“I’ll tell them everything you’ve done,” I say forcefully. “You won’t get away with this. You gave me a signed power of attorney over Tyson.”
She arches her eyebrow at me, and it lifts her face, and for a moment, she looks years younger and I see my mom in this woman standing in front of me, and I almost break then, but I see that regardless of who I think she is, she’s enjoying pulling the snare, trapping me until I start to choke.
“Won’t I?” she says. “At the very least, the police will come, and you’ll say what you have to say, and I’ll say what I have to say, and what do you think will happen then? All you have is an illegally notarized power of attorney that was started before you turned eighteen. Do you think they would let him stay here, Bear? They’ll take one look at you and see you’re just a child yourself and that you’ve sinned against God, and they’ll all know what it is you’ve become. And you can say whatever you want about me. Maybe they’ll let him come with me, maybe they won’t. If they don’t, Bear, they’ll still take him away from here and put him somewhere until all of this gets sorted out. How do you think Tyson would do in foster care? Do you think he’ll be placed with a family who loves him? A family whose moral compass isn’t spinning out of control? He’ll be taken away from both of us, but I can live with that. At least he won’t be here. At least he won’t be here with you.”
My eyes are wide and my mouth is dry, and I can’t think of a single thing to say to her. Is that what would happen? I think. Would they really take him away from me? She can’t be right about that! She’s just saying that to scare me! Nobody, not even her, is that cruel. She knows what that would do to the Kid. Somehow she knows, and I’ll be damned if I am going to let this happen.
“You can’t do this,” I repeat.
She smiles again and pulls the snare complete. “I can and I will. But….” She pauses, as if considering. “Maybe it wouldn’t have to come to that.”
“What?” I ask, confused.
Careful, Bear! I hear it scream. Oh God, don’t do this—
“If you and I can come to an agreement, maybe I’ll reconsider,” she says, pacing in front of me again. I notice wildly that her tears have completely dried up, and I think that this whole thing has been a game. I think that somehow, she’s planned this, down to the last detail. That somehow, she’s known about us all along.
“What agreement?” I say dully.
She stops in front of me. “If I leave Ty here with you, you have to promise to do something for me. If you do this one little thing, I promise to stay out of the way. I promise to leave Seafare, and you will never have to see me again.”
“What?”
“You will end things with Otter,” she says coldly. “This has gone on long enough. I will not have my son become a faggot. I will not have you raise Tyson to be a faggot. You will tell Otter that you’ve had a change of heart and that you never want to see him again. Tell him to go back to San Diego.”
San Diego? How did she know—
“You can’t be serious,” I whisper.
“I’m very serious, Bear,” she says. “I know more than you think I do, and I will not have my sons disgrace me like this. If you do this one thing for me, you can keep Ty here with you, and I will stay out of the way. But,” she says, shoving her finger into my chest again, “if I leave and hear any different, it will be over, and I will come back here so fast your head will spin. Ty will be taken from you, and I can promise you that you will never see him again.”
“Why are you doing this?” I mutter, feeling tears welling inside me.
She shakes her head. “Haven’t you listened to a single word I’ve said? God, Bear, you would think you were still five. I told you: no son of mine is queer. No son of mine will ever be queer. I will not stand for this, ever.”
I blink back the stinging in my eyes. “You realize,” I tell her weakly, “that I’m going to hate you forever for this.”
Her eyes soften and the wrinkles around her mouth disappear, and for a moment, just a moment, I think all of this is a dream and we’ve gone back in time, and she’s never left, and Ty hasn’t been born, and I’m six years old, waiting for my mother to say something sweet to me, waiting for her to show me that she cares.
“I can live with that,” she says, smiling. “At least I’ll know that I’ve saved your soul.”