He waved his arm in the air in that dismissive Creed sort of way. “It’s nothing you have to worry your little head about,” he said. “Just going to go out and see what trouble I can find.”
I laughed. “You sure you don’t want company?” I asked, instantly regretting the offer.
He saved me by saying, “Nah. You and Otter can hang here and have more fun than I probably will.”
“You okay?” I asked him, seeing sweat on his forehead. Maybe he’s got a boyfriend too, it whispers. Wouldn’t that just be the sweet definition of irony. I pushed it away.
Creed grinned again, and it looked a little false. “I’m fine, Papa Bear. Like I said, it’s nothing for you to worry about. I’ll probably get bored and come home early.”
“Alright,” I said, eyeing him again. I looked around, annoyed that his brother hadn’t shown himself yet. “Where’s Otter?”
Creed jerked his head, indicating that his brother was upstairs. I looked up and saw his door was shut. I glanced back at Creed, who brought his finger to his lips and motioned for me to follow him. I looked back at the door and walked after Creed. He went through the kitchen to the patio door and opened it, walking outside. I chased after him, suddenly wondering why everyone seem to be harboring secrets these days. He closed the door behind me and turned to me.
“Well?” I asked him, trying to keep the edge off my voice. “Why do we have to go outside?”
“I don’t want Otter to hear me. He thinks I meddle enough,” he said, sitting down on an expensive Adirondack chair that sat in the backyard.
“Meddle about what?” I asked, not wanting to know.
He shook his head and put his arms up and back, stretching. “You know,” he said, “I’ve only got Otter’s best interests at heart. I don’t know why he doesn’t see it that way.”
It was hot but I felt a chill. “What did you do?”
He looked surprised. “I didn’t do anything. Jesus Christ, you guys are spending way too much time together. You’re starting to sound like him.”
I shrugged, ignoring the comment. “Fine,” I conceded, “what did he do?”
“It’s what he’s been doing, Bear. I mean, come on: you’ve seen him. He’s been skipping around here for the last two months like he hasn’t a goddamn care in the world. He won’t tell me what’s going on. And from what you’ve told me,” he said, looking at me pointedly, “he hasn’t said anything to you, either.”
“Maybe there’s nothing to say, Creed. Can’t a person be happy and not have to have some big reason for it?”
He laughed. “You would think so, but no. Not with Otter. You should know that as well as I do. That guy wears his heart on his sleeve. If there is something for him to be happy about, he shows it. Just like if something is tearing him up, he shows that too. Remember when he first got here?”
I nodded.
“I’d never seen him like that before,” Creed said, looking out over his backyard. “I didn’t know what to do. But then I go away for a couple of weeks, and I come back, and I see him like I’ve never seen him before again. But it’s completely opposite, right? Like he’s found the greatest thing in the world, and he’s over the goddamn moon about it. At first I thought he was bipolar or some shit, but it hasn’t gone away. For two fucking months now, it’s been all happy and rosy. I want to know what the hell happened to make him turn around like that.”
I looked down at my hands, trying not to show the glow that had started to burn through my body. It’s because of me, I thought, filling with wonder. Your brother is like that because of me.
I made up my mind in that instant and was about to tell Creed everything when he said, “I think it’s because of Jonah.”
Uh—what?
“Jonah?” I spat, unable to keep the venom from my voice. Creed didn’t seem to notice.
“Yeah, I think he and Jonah started to work things out, and that’s what’s going on with him. I ask him about it, and of course he denies it like the little bitch he is, but I hear them talking on the phone every now and then. I can never make out what they’re saying, no matter how hard I try. But what else is there? It’s not like he’s fucking anyone else here in Seafare. He’s either with me, or he’s with you. And I can guarantee it’s not either of us that’s making him all giddy and gay.”
My mind wouldn’t compute. “He talks to Jonah on the phone?” I asked stupidly.
Creed glanced over at me, completely oblivious to the fact that seawater had made its way up to my knees in just a few seconds. He couldn’t hear the storm just off the coast because it was in my head. It’s always in my head. “Every once in a while, they do,” he told me. “But like I said, he won’t tell me anything about it.”
“Why would he be talking to him?” I asked, more to myself than to Creed.
“Why wouldn’t he?” Creed said, perplexed. “Jonah used to be his boyfriend. Otter’s not the kind of person that can just wipe someone away.” And those words sounded familiar, and then I remembered that Otter had said the same thing, right after we’d had sex the first time. We lay in my bed, and he told me that he couldn’t just get rid of someone so quickly, not when they’ve been a huge part of his life. I remembered feeling sad that I would never have that part of Otter’s past, and I remembered feeling slight twinges of jealousy. However, it was nothing compared to what I felt right then. Not even close.
My teeth ground together as I said, “So you think it’s all Jonah? You think Jonah’s the reason why he’s happy?” IT’S NOT HIM! I wanted to scream. IT WILL NEVER BE HIM AGAIN! I’M THE ONE THAT MAKES OTTER HAPPY! IT’S BECAUSE OF ME, YOU SON OF A BITCH!
But of course, naturally, predictably, I said nothing.