“Well, you’re here now. And so am I.”
He shakes his head. “Bear, we don’t even know what that means yet.”
“I know that, Otter,” I say. “But can you… can you wait until I… figure that out?” I don’t know what I’m even asking for, but I choose not to clarify for fear of making it worse. He reaches up and pulls me back to him. I lay stiffly against him, wanting an answer. I want an answer now before I end up making a fool of myself.
“Like I told Ty earlier,” he says in my ear, “I’m not going anywhere.”
I try to sit back up, but he holds me against his chest. When I speak, my lips are moving against the fabric of his shirt. From this vantage point, I can see his right nipple harden. A dark buzz races through my body. “You also told Ty that you would go back. Eventually.” I can’t finish what he had actually said.
“Ye-es,” he draws out. “I also seem to remember saying something else in that, too, that you seem to be avoiding.”
“Of course I’m avoiding it, Otter,” I say angrily. “Why would you even say something like that? Why would you get the Kid’s hopes up like that?” And why would you get my hopes up like that?
“His hopes up?” Otter repeats. “You think I wasn’t serious?”
I tense against him. “How could you be?”
He pulls on my chin, forcing my eyes to his. “Why wouldn’t I be?” he says.
I pull away. “Otter, I can’t just pack up and move. I’ve got a job here, and the Kid has school, and we would just get in the way. Besides, I can’t afford to live in California.”
“I’ve got money,” he starts, but I hold up my hand and cut him off.
“I don’t want you to have to take care of us, Otter. I’ve done fine on my own these last couple of years.” I am feeling slightly mortified at what Otter is suggesting, that he would be paying for our lives. I would never feel comfortable allowing him to do that. I still have my damnable pride, and whether that’s good or bad, I don’t know. But I do know that doesn’t matter.
“What about school? You are going to go back to school eventually, right? You’re not going to be able to have a full-time job and go to school and take care of Ty.”
I wring my hands. “I’ll figure something out.”
He snorts. “What, when Ty graduates?”
“How did this suddenly become any of your concern?” I snap at him. “Why are you even going back to San Diego, anyways? I thought something bad happened. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?”
He glares back, his eyes glittering. “That’s part of it,” he says flatly. “And maybe it’s also because I thought I should try to make up for past mistakes.”
I’m livid and I don’t know why. I get up and start pacing his room. “Oh, so something bad happens to you, and you just happen to decide then that you need to ‘make up for past mistakes’?” This last part comes out slightly mocking, and I’d regret it if I wasn’t so pissed off. “You gotta admit, Otter, that’s perfect goddamn timing.”
Otter jumps up and stands in front of me, his presence large and fierce. I don’t care; I scowl right back, my arms tense at my side. “Why do you do that?” he growls. “Why do you seem bent on driving people away?”
“I think the question we should be asking,” I say hotly, “is that if whatever you went through in California hadn’t happened, would you even be here?”
I watch all the fight drain out of him. He slumps onto the bed and lies on his back, one arm over his head, the other tapping gently against his stomach. I can’t help but notice, even now, how his shirt rides up again, and I can see his smooth hard stomach. The ridges of skin there cause my mouth to go dry. I alternate between hot and cold, heaven and hell. I want to keep fighting, I want to keep hashing this out, but Otter looks so dejected that I can’t. I sigh and sit on the bed nex
t to him. I pat his leg awkwardly. “You’re right,” I say sadly. “I seem to chase everyone away.”
He sits up and puts his hands in his lap. “I shouldn’t have said that,” he says quietly. “I have no right to say anything to you.”
I carefully lean my head on his shoulder, and he relaxes and drops his head onto mine. “What did Ty say to you when he whispered in your ear?” I ask.
Otter chuckles. “He said that I’ve got to take care of you now. He said you’re just a little guy and that you need to be taken care of.”
“And you promised him that?”
He raises his head and looks at me, surprised. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I promise that?”
I shake my head in disbelief. “I don’t get you sometimes.”
“That’s because I’m mysterious,” he says, grinning crookedly. I punch his arm gently. He catches my hand and entwines his fingers with mine. His hands are smooth and hard. Something crackles in my brain, like a wire shorting out. I’ve never held hands with a guy like this before. Not with our fingers matching perfectly. It’s weird.