Anna winces. “That’s not what I meant, Bear. It’s not your fault or Ty’s. It’s his. I just didn’t know if you knew more than you were sa
ying.”
“Why would I lie, Anna?” I scowl.
“I’m not saying you are. I just… think Creed is right. I think something else happened.”
“Why don’t you ask Otter, then? It seems like if he had a problem, people should be asking him what it was, not me.”
“I did ask him.” Oh God.
“And?”
She plays with a ring on her finger. “He said that he just needed to get away.”
I get up and go to the fridge, pretending to be thirsty but really hiding the relief that spreads across my face. “There you go,” I tell her, closing my eyes against the cold air flowing from the fridge. I want to crawl inside and shut the door. “What more do you want him to say?”
“I don’t know, Bear!” she says, sounding annoyed. “I want him to feel like he can tell us anything. There’s no reason he had to go through it alone, especially when you needed him to be there.”
I grit my teeth. “I didn’t need him for anything.” I grab a can of soda and close the fridge and walk over to the counter, pulling down a glass from the cabinet.
I feel her arms wrap around me, and she lays her head on my back. I try not to tense, but I can’t help it. She rubs my stomach underneath my shirt. She laughs quietly into my back. “Same old Papa Bear.”
“Yeah, same old me.” I turn and kiss her on the forehead, and I can feel her smiling into my neck. Maybe now she’ll drop it.
“He did say one other thing,” she says, and I freeze.
“Oh?” I choke out.
“He said that he’d thought he’d lost his only chance to be happy. He refused to explain it any further. I wonder what he meant by that.”
On the outside, I am flustered. On the outside, I am at a loss for words. But on the inside, isn’t there something? Something… I can’t quite put a finger on? His only chance? He can’t have meant….
No matter how hard I try, I can’t finish the thought. It’s in a dark place, a hidden place, and I don’t have the energy to go looking for it. I feel an odd mix of dread surrounding a warmth growing in my stomach. It has a name, but I won’t be the one to name it.
His only chance?
I hear Creed crashing in through the doorway. “Bear! Bear!”
“What?” I call back, relieved by the distraction.
He runs into the kitchen, a panicked look on his face. “Ty just got off the bus!”
“Oh shit,” I mutter and run to the table, starting to shove all the party toys and decorations into the bags they came in. Creed and Anna are laughing as we throw everything into my mom’s old room, but I see that Anna glances at me curiously every now and then. I wonder if it’s because she realizes I’d never actually answered her question. I’d never actually denied having seen Otter before he left.
He said that he’d thought he’d lost his only chance to be happy.
What had he meant by that?
HAVE you ever tried to throw a surprise party for someone? It’s nigh fucking impossible to actually have it end up being a surprise because sooner or later, the person figures it out. Someone will tell them, or they’ll find some kind of evidence, or they’ll just see how weird everyone is acting. Then there’s the nonchalant way that you have to get rid of them for just a little bit so you can set up for the damn party. You tell them to go do something with someone, and you’ll meet up with them later. Now try doing this with a kid who has abandonment issues, who clings to you almost every waking second. On his birthday.
That said, the Kid was totally surprised.
We’d had birthday parties for him the last couple of years, but this year, I got it under my skin for some reason to want to do something big. I’d been saving for four months to make sure I could get everything I wanted. I even got some random magician to come out and do magic tricks (I know, I know. You’re thinking how is that any different than having a clown? Well, a magician doesn’t wear face paint and haunt your dreams). We decorated the hell out of Creed’s house, and it looked like we’d robbed the damn party store. It was a little much, especially when I realized that we had run out of the ten rolls of streamers I had bought. And then there was the fact that pretty much everyone in Ty’s grade had shown up. There were almost a hundred people in the house when Anna called to tell me they were on their way. I’d gotten everyone to park at a church that was down the street. That parking lot had never been that full, not even on Sundays.
I crowded everyone into the entryway and living room in the house. I stood in front of them, trying to get everyone to be quiet, and caught Otter grinning crookedly at me, watching me trying to shut up forty kids. I made sure no one was looking, and I flipped him off. He chuckled.
So you’ll talk to him? Creed had asked me a few days after the conversation at my house.