I didn’t know what to say so I said nothing. He didn’t say anything, either, and in my mind it became a contest to see who could hold out the longest before speaking. My drunken mind found this fascinating, at least until my drunken mouth opened and said, “I can’t do this, Otter.”
“You can’t do what, Bear?”
“I don’t know. Don’t listen to me. I’m drunk and not making sense.”
“What can’t you do, Bear?” he repeated, and I swore at him in my head.
“I can’t… I can’t take care of Ty,” I said, thinking I’d meant to say something else but not knowing what it could possibly be.
He sighed. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you really don’t have a choice in the matter. You have to.”
“It’s not fair.”
“No, it’s not.”
“I can’t do it, Otter.”
“Yes, you can.”
“Were you going to leave?” I said abruptly.
This took him by surprise, and he recoiled as if I’d slapped him. “What?”
“Back when we told Ty that Mom had left, the Kid asked you if you were staying, and you said you were, and Creed said something. I don’t remember what he said, but it made me think that you had plans to leave.”
He shook his head but didn’t say anything. “Were you?” I insisted, suddenly needing an answer from him.
“It doesn’t matter, Bear,” Otter said quietly, looking away from me.
“Yes, it does. You don’t need to stay because of us.”
“Us?” he asked, arching an eyebrow.
“Me and Ty.”
He shrugged. “I told you both I would.”
“Don’t sacrifice anything for us, Otter,” I said, feeling anger ignite in my stomach. “I have to do that enough myself already, so don’t you do the same.”
He didn’t say anything back.
“Where are you going to go? Is it for work?”
He shook his head.
“No? No, what? It wasn’t for work?” I pushed, an edge in my voice. “Then what was it for? What were you going to do? When were you going to tell me?”
“I’m not…,” he started then sighed.
“Don’t be stupid, Otter. Answer the damn question. When are you leaving?”
“Bear,” he said, his voice in that low warning tone. Usually it shut me up. Usually I stopped talking. But whether fueled by alcohol or rage, I couldn’t drop it. I couldn’t leave it alone.
“Why won’t you tell me?”
“Bear, just leave it alone!” Otter got up and started pacing back and forth.
“Fuck you. I won’t! Tell me!”