“It’s okay, Anna,” the Kid says, letting out a long-suffering sigh. “I have some literature that Creed can take with him and read. It’s life-changing.”
Mrs. Paquinn sniffs. “I don’t eat veal either because I just feel so guilty picturing their little faces every time. B
ut I’ll have a steak every now and then. No one thinks grown-up cows are cute.”
“Is veal really baby cows?” Creed whispers.
“Are you all fucking insane?” I scream.
Mrs. Paquinn claps her hands. “Oh good, Bear has finally decided to speak.”
“About goddamn time,” the Kid mumbles.
“Watch your mouth,” Anna admonishes him, lightly tapping him on the back of his hand. Then she smacks Creed on the back of his head. “And he gets those words from you, so you watch your language too.”
“Bear just said fucking!” Creed whines, rubbing what I’m sure is a gaping wound on his head.
“Well, Bear just felt left out of the conversation, and he’s had a rough night,” Mrs. Paquinn explains. “I think ‘fucking’ was the straightest way to the point he was trying to make.” She suddenly raises her hand to her mouth and giggles as she blushes. “Fucking was the straightest? Oh, listen to me, making funny sentences.” Creed and the Kid laugh. Anna smacks them both again. Then they all stop and look at me. I open my mouth to speak.
Otter kisses me.
I hear shocked gasps coming from our audience as his hands come up to the side of my face. My eyes are bugging out of my head, and I’m looking straight (ha, ha, ha aren’t we all just so punny!) into his eyes. His thumbs brush over my eyebrows and my forehead, smoothing out all the bumps and wrinkles. His lips are warm as they move across mine, his fingers trailing fire in their wake. And still he looks at me. The gold and green are so close that I can make out myself in their reflection. I look like I’m about to explode. And then my body melts, and I sigh quietly into his mouth, and he kisses up the side of my jaw to my cheek, my forehead, my hair, my eyes. I fall into him, and he wraps me tightly in those big arms, and I let it all out. He rocks me back and forth, and I hear him whisper, “Never again, you hear me? Never again. Something happens, you tell me. I need you to tell me. I need you.” I nod blindly into his chest, and he strokes my hair. He lets me lay there for a moment and then pulls my face back and kisses the tears away.
“I want them to leave,” I mumble.
He nods and smiles, that crooked grin in full force. “Soon. Creed and Anna need to speak to you first. After that, we’ll go wherever you want. Just you and me.” He kisses me again gently and pulls me back into the couch, curling me into the crook of his arm protectively. I grab his hand tightly, not wanting to let go. I think he’s indulging me in this, but some part of me believes he doesn’t want to let go, either, by the way he’s clutching me. He smells so fucking good. I rub my face on his chest, trying to get the wetness off. His heart beats quickly, and I press my free hand against it. He grunts softly and captures my hand in his and presses down harder. I think I know what he’s trying to say. I feel slightly better knowing we will at least have a chance to talk before… whatever happens.
I look back at the others sitting across from us, and I am surprised to see the smiles on their faces, even Anna’s. Creed’s smile is a little green, as I’m sure seeing his brother and his best friend make out isn’t necessarily on the top of his to-do list, but at least he’s trying. I spy their hands between them, clasped. Creed’s thumb strokes over Anna’s.
“So, you two, huh?” I ask, wondering if I’m still angry. “This something new?”
They look at each other and blush slightly.
Anna speaks for them.
ONCE upon a time, Anna broke up with her stupid gay boyfriend. She didn’t know for a fact that he was gay, but there was always something that came across his face when he spoke the magic word: Otter. She tried to ignore the signs, tried to ignore the feeling in the pit of her stomach that ate away at her. It couldn’t possibly be true, could it? Sure, her stupid gay boyfriend was always there for her, could always… perform when it was required, so why would these thoughts never go away?
One day, the magic word made a dumb decision and fled town to the mythical far away land of California. She never really understood the reason why, at least at the time, but the whispers in her own head saw the way her boyfriend collapsed in on himself, saw the way he became cold, distant. She tried to do the math but never came up with the right answer. She knew something had happened, something bad that she wasn’t privy to, but it never stopped her from wondering. She went on with her life, trying to pick up the pieces that were left behind.
It was tiring to do so, but she knew it was necessary. No one could go through what her boyfriend went through and not break. But even as she tried to put him back together, the pieces wouldn’t fit right, and no matter what she did, she couldn’t make him whole again. Anna began to doubt herself, but she also began to look closer.
For three whole years, she looked closer.
Then one day, not so very long ago, the magic word came back. She didn’t know why. She saw the way her boyfriend was angry at first, angrier than she had seen him in a long time. Then she saw him slowly awaken, as if from a deep sleep. Something in him sparked back to life, and she knew it was nothing she did. The voices that spoke to her, that whispered dark things to her, said that she could never be what Otter was. Anna made some bad choices (but weren’t they the only choices she could make?) and harsh words were said. Even as her own heart was breaking, she broke his. She didn’t believe that was even possible. It made her doubt her actions, made her believe she made the wrong decision. And then, on that fateful night, she called Otter. She didn’t accuse him, didn’t relay her fears. In return, Otter told her a story about his adventures in California. He told her that he came back to find himself, that he wasn’t happy where he was. And while she believed his words, she felt that something was missing from his story, that it was broken somehow. So broke that it rang false in her ears. She pushed Otter toward her ex- boyfriend and prayed that what she felt to be true was a lie.
But in her heart, she knew it wasn’t.
She gave them space, gave them time. She didn’t want to push further because if she was wrong, it would be all the worse because of it. Yet the next time she saw him, he seemed different. He was wary around her, didn’t seem to have the right words to say. But it was there, something behind his eyes that danced like she’d never seen them dance before. She wanted to scream and shout and punch and kick, but she couldn’t. She waited. And waited. And waited.
And while she was waiting, something funny happened. She leaned on someone she had never leaned on before. The magic word had a brother, you see, and although he had been around almost all her life, she’d never thought of him as more than a friend. Even while her heart was broken, she felt something stir inside her. She wondered if it was out of anger that she felt it. Out of jealousy (of what, she didn’t yet know). She wasn’t trying to get back at her stupid ex-boyfriend when it happened for the first time. She doesn’t even know how it happened. They were talking about nothing and everything, and someone leaned in and someone else leaned closer and their lips met, and it was awkward, and it felt strange, and the lips were so alien to her, but she didn’t stop.
Anna and Creed both felt guilty, of course. How could they not? They both felt like they were betraying the one thing that bound them together. But even as they swore that it would never happen again, it did. It happened again and again and again. And then she didn’t want it to stop anymore. She was happy, or at least as happy as she could be. She felt that she deserved it. She felt it was owed to her. She had done nothing wrong, she decided, even as she called herself a liar.
It went on, as these things seem to do. There were good days, and there were bad days. She felt strong and weak and forgiving and spiteful all at the same time. And after a while, she felt herself falling for the brother, the best friend, the constant who had been background noise for most of her life.
But still, she wondered.
Then came the day when the brother came running into her room, his eyes shell-shocked, his body trembling. She held him for a long time that night. He wouldn’t say what was wrong, wouldn’t even give her a hint, so s