Oh sure, they were hidden away, but now that I knew what I was looking for, now that I knew this motherfucking asshole had no intention of letting us go, I could see exactly what his plan was.
The Darks came.
They knew movement would show on the map.
Myrin told me about marching upon Meridian City.
He knew we would come here.
And he’d gotten us all in a single room.
A single room with dozens of Feng’s bombs.
But see, even as this realization crashed over me, even as I was convinced that we were all about to die and I was going to fail my one godsdamned job, I should have had more faith. I should have realized that the star dragon, and maybe even the gods themselves, had a vested interest in keeping me alive.
They were supposed to be impartial.
But I didn’t really think that they were.
Gods sucked, but they weren’t evil.
And if I was going to face Myrin in some awesomely epic showdown where I’d ultimately emerge victorious and live happily ever after, then of course something was going to happen to get us out of this situation.
The doorknob turned.
Justin pulled the door open.
Feng said, “Dis has been fun, but iz time for—”
“What in the holy fucking balls of shit is all this, then?” a loud (and much beloved) voice screeched. I’d never been happier to hear that grating sound in my life.
Feng turned.
Gary stood in the doorway, glitter starting to drift off him in that way it did when he was really working his way up into a rage. There was no love lost between Justin and him, but even Gary understood the importance of the Prince.
Tiggy stood next to him, cocking his head at Feng like a gigantic puppy. “Hi.”
And for a moment, I almost felt bad for Feng and for what was about to happen to him.
I shouted, “Tiggy! You smash that motherfucker!”
The inquisitive expression immediately fell off his face, and the half-giant snarled at Feng. “TIGGY SMASH!”
“Oh my goodness,” Feng whispered. “Dis iz gonna—”
Tiggy didn’t even give him a chance to finish his sentence. His fist was already cocked back by the time Feng had uttered his first word.
There are certain benefits in having a half-giant as a best friend. One, a half-giant tends to have a really awesome face made for smiling that you just want to squish between your hands as you kiss their nose. Two, they give the best hugs, these all-encompassing things that cause your bones to creak. Three, they are so much smarter than people give them credit for, even if they tend to speak differently than most. Four, they are more loyal than any other creature you could ever meet.
And five, they love to smash.
Feng didn’t stand a chance.
Ryan was already moving by the time Tiggy’s fist collided with Feng’s face. Feng was knocked back, head jerking to the right, blood and shards of teeth spraying from his mouth. Justin went flying too but was caught by Ryan before he could hit the floor. There was a moment when Justin looked up at Ryan with stars in his eyes that I considered shoving one of Feng’s bombs up his ass just to see what would happen, but I pushed it away, watching as Feng flew back against Mama’s desk with a loud crack before he slumped to the floor. A few of the bombs fell to the floor and split, spilling black powder in little trails in his lap and along the floor. Feng groaned, his face not exactly the same shape it’d been just a minute before.
Letnia stood in front of Mama, shielding her even as Mama tried to shove her aside. Gary was cooing at Tiggy, who looked pleased with himself. Morgan and Randall started to relax. Justin and Ryan stood, and Ryan looked toward me, arching an eyebrow, asking silently if I’d seen how badass he was. Gods, he was so hot. A douchebag, sure, but I wanted to ruin him.
Then Feng laughed.