Morgan had said what he needed to the day before. I had the summoning crystal stowed away next to my Grimoire in a rucksack that Gary wore attached to his back. He merely put a hand to my shoulder and told me he would see me soon. I told him not to let the castle run to ruins since I wasn’t there to hold everything together. He assured me they would find a way.
The King brought in a High Priest to bless our journey. The High Priest asked if he should also bless the horses we would be using.
“We’re not riding horses,” I said.
“We’re not?” Ryan asked, scowling prettily. Like a jerk. “But—”
“It’s racist,” I said.
“It’s what?”
Gary was glaring at him.
“But he’s not a horse,” Ryan said.
The glare slightly lessened.
“No, but it’s still demeaning to him. We don’t ride anywhere we go. It’s how we roll. You can always stay here if that’s a problem.”
“Maybe those legs are just for show,” Gary whispered loudly. “Maybe he doesn’t really know how to use them. The racist.”
“I don’t think you’re using the word racist right,” he said.
“Unicorns are a race,” Gary snarled at him. “Is Gary gonna have to—”
“Here come angry glitter,” Tiggy said. “I smash Knight Delicious Face?”
“Yes, Tiggy! Smash him! Smash the racist!”
“No smashing,” I said, stepping in between Ryan and Tiggy. “Not yet. At least wait until we actually start The Epic Adventure of Sam, Gary, and Tiggy.”
“You capitalized that, didn’t you,” Morgan sighed.
“I did,” I said. “That’s how you know it’s epic.”
Gary’s rage glitter subsided. “The most epic there could be.”
“And Ryan,” Ryan said.
We all looked at him.
“The Epic Adventures of Sam, Gary, Tiggy, and Ryan,” he said. “If we’re doing this, I’m getting in on the capitalization.”
“Fine,” I grumbled. “If you must. Though the name now sounds ridiculous.”
“Because it didn’t before?”
“Because it didn’t before,” I mocked h
im.
“And again, why Knight Delicious Face?”
“Anyway,” I said loudly. “Are we good? Did the Priest give us enough hoodoo so we can get the fu—fudge out? Sorry, Father.”
“It’s okay,” the priest assured me. “I’m pretty sure your soul is already doomed.”
“There’s the idolatry I know and avoid.”