“THE APPRENTICE TO THE KING’S WIZARD SINGLE-HANDEDLY TOOK DOWN AN ARMY OF DARKS WITH THE POWER OF HIS MIND ALONE! WITNESSES SAY HIS EYES GLOWED WITH AN UNHOLY AND SOMEWHAT FLATTERING LIGHT! FIRST DATE WITH THE GOLDWAITHE MOGUL’S SON CONSIDERED TO BE A ROUSING SUCCESS! IMPENDING WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT EXPECTED! READ IT HERE FIRST!”
Fuck.
CHAPTER 7
This Garden Made of You and I
“I CAN so totally explain,” I said when Morgan threw one of the newspapers at me the next morning. I was in the lab jotting down the Rock Column Thing (pending a new and much more awesome name) I’d done the night before into my Grimoire. I thought I’d gotten the basics behind it, but it would take time to go more in depth, and I’d only been at it an hour or so.
“Can you?” Morgan said lightly. But I was not fooled. He was pissed.
I looked down at the paper, the City of Lockes Gazette. They’d totally chosen to use a photo from when I was going through my awkward phase at sixteen when my face hadn’t quite decided if it wanted to be somewhat handsome or a complete train wreck. I wrinkled my nose. “That’s so not flattering. Gods, they did that on purpose.”
“Undoubtedly,” Morgan said.
I scanned through the article. “…filled out his outfit quite nicely… Well that’s super, I suppose. …accompanied by the dashing and immaculate Knight Commander Ryan Foxheart as his chaperone… What a bunch of kiss-asses. Dashing and immaculate? I am so going to make fun of him to his face for this. …on a date with Duke Todd Goldwaithe of the Goldwaithe Hotel conglomerate…. Not one mention about his ears? Travesty. …attacked out of nowhere by forty Dark wizards…. That’s just not true at all. Whatever happened to journalistic integrity? Excessive liberties, I must say. …took down the Dark army with a wave of his hand…. I suppose it was a wave. Little more complex than that. Way to marginalize. …while the Knight Commander looked on in beautiful astonishment…. What does that even mean? Did an editor even go through this? Come on. …they appeared intimate and comfortable as they stood side by side against the rising tide of Dark wizards. Could there be
something there? This reporter won’t even begin to speculate, but yes. There probably is…. Oh boy. So, ha-ha, fun fact: I might have something to tell you in just a moment. Consider that a teaser, but you totally can’t get mad because it’s not my fault. …Earl Terrance Goldwaithe released a statement, saying damage is minimal and that he is pleased that his future son-in-law was able to defend the restaurant and his son…. Well that was nice of him. I will offer to cover the damages, of course, it’s the least I can do—and his future what-in-law?”
I might have screeched the last part as I continued reading.
“Earl Goldwaithe told this reporter, ‘Just how lucky is my son? I will never have to worry about his safety again. His husband-to-be can obviously handle anything thrown his way. I’m pretty sure little Todd will be in excellent hands, if you know what I mean.’”
Yeah, definitely screeching.
I looked back up at Morgan with panicked eyes.
His face was in his hands. He was moaning “My life, my life, my life.”
“I’m not marrying Todd!” I shouted at him.
Of course, that was the moment Gary, Tiggy, and my parents burst into the lab.
Gary said, “Why did I have to hear about your engagement from the cook?”
Tiggy said, “You still have flower or did Todd eat it?”
Dad said, “Are you sure, Sam? That was just the first date. At least go on one more before you propose. I’m sure he’s nice, but he can’t be that nice.”
Mom said, “Or fifty more. Or seventy. I feel really old today and that’s not a good feeling.”
I hit my head against my desk repeatedly.
“Sam,” Morgan said, pulling his face from his hands. “The Darks. Where are they? And why in the name of the gods did you not wake me the moment you stepped back into the castle?”
“Well, see, that’s a funny story,” I said.
“Is it?” he said. “Amuse me.”
He didn’t sound like he was in the mood to be amused.
“Okay. But, like, you need to listen to the whole thing first, before making judgments. And I know you, so I know your judgmental face. Yep. There it is. Right there. That face. Stop it.” He stopped. Sort of. “So, there I was, having a nice first date and did you know they have theme nights? And the theme was duck and blueberries. Or something. I don’t even know. But I’m allergic to those and then Ryan was going to force-feed me carbs, and Todd may have been under the impression that I was going to give him an accidental hand job, so when I spilled the water on him, he got all wet. And then Ryan had to be all, like, I’m a knight, you must listen to me and do what I say all the time everywhere ever, and I was, like, say whaaaaat? And then Todd got flustered because Ryan poked me with his sword, which is not dirty, by the way, and then four—and only four—Darks came in and they started to monologue! You know how I feel about that! But then they threatened Ryan with death and I was, like, bitch, please. You don’t know who you’re messing with. Oh, and they threatened Todd too. Can’t forget Todd! But they did know who they were messing with and they still decided to mess with us, and so I made rock rise from the ground and trap them completely and instead of bothering you because I know how cranky you get when you’re woken up, I had Pete come and take them to the dungeons, and they’re in the special cells that block their magic, so that’s good. And here we are now! All of us. Together. In the same room. This is nice. We should do this more often. So, good night!”
I ran for the door.
Morgan waved his hand.
It closed and locked.