“This is almost worse than monologuing,” I told Ryan. “One time, I was kidnapped by a group of thieves when I was fifteen. They thought they could use me to break into the castle vaults. The leader went on for four hours about how perfect their plan was. But he’d forgotten to bind my magic and I turned them into deck chairs on accident.”
“On accident?”
“I was trying to turn them into lawn chairs,” I explained. “There’s a difference.”
Ryan laughed quietly. “I hadn’t heard that one.”
I tried to ignore just how awesome his laugh was. “It was before you came to the castle. A few months, anyway.”
Fifteen-year-old Sam had seen twenty-year-old Ryan for the first time and had immediately run upstairs and jerked off. It had been a revolutionary and enlightening experience that essentially answered the question that yes, I was indeed very, very gay. I didn’t share that with Ryan and the Dark wizards because now was not the time or place. Or never. Never sounded good too.
“Maybe they’re trapped,” one of the Darks said. “Like in a fog of magic. And they can’t hear you anymore.”
“You think?” Squat Wizard asked. He raised his voice and called out, “Can you hear me?”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m trying to have a conversation here. I’m on a date.”
“With a knight?” Squat Wizard asked.
My face felt hot. “Uh. No? No. With Todd. Say hi, Todd.” I pointed back at Todd, who looked like he wished I hadn’t done that. He gave a small wave to Squat Wizard and said, “Heeeeyyy.”
Squat Wizard frowned. “Sorry. I just thought you were with the knight. You haven’t said a single thing to Todd since we got here.”
“I’m protecting him,” I said defensively. “He’s nice.”
“Nice?” Squat Wizard said. “That’s not a ringing endorsement.”
“You’re nice,” I told Todd. “That’s totally ringing. I like your ears.”
Todd blushed.
Ryan said, “Everyone has ears, Sam. Gods.” He was all growly.
“I’m aware of that, Ryan. I am being complimentary!”
“Is that what you call it?”
“Hey, just because you—”
“Oh boy,” Squat Wizard said. “I totally get it now.”
“Get what?” I asked.
The Dark wizards laughed.
I cocked my head at them.
They stopped laughing.
Squat Wizard said, “You’re being serious.”
“About what?” I was confused.
“Wow,” one of the Darks said. “That’s gotta be super uncomfortable. For everyone involved.”
“It’s so obvious,” Squat Wizard said. “Like, the most obvious thing I’ve ever seen.”
His Darks agreed.