Oh shit.
Ryan bowed back to me. I pulled away and his fingers trailed against mine.
I NEEDED air.
The stars above were bright as I moved into the garden. Lanterns hung from metal poles, lighting the paths near the roses and the tulips.
I took a breath and let it out slowly.
Footsteps came up behind me. Of course they would follow me out here. They would follow me anywhere.
“Had to escape to hide your raging erection?” Gary asked sympathetically.
“You know,” I said, “I came across a spell in Morgan’s Grimoire. In one of those back pages for the truly evil shit? It called for the dust of unicorn bones. I’m thinking about trying it out.” I kept walking.
“If it makes you feel any better,” Gary said, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen dance fucking before. It was illuminating to see a live demonstration.”
I walked into a tree.
Tiggy and Gary laughed at me, because that’s what best friends do.
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” I said as I picked tree bark out of my mouth. “Todd was very nice.”
“Todd,” Gary mocked. “Yes. Todd.”
I ignored him. “Tiggy, did Morgan say when he was sending us out again?” Because being in the castle for the foreseeable future seemed like a Very Bad Idea.
“Two weeks,” Tiggy rumbled.
“That motherfucker,” I muttered. “He’s doing this on purpose.”
“Kind of like how Ryan was dancing all up in your business on purpose,” Gary said.
“You shut your mouth!”
“Dance fucking!” he hissed at me.
“I don’t even know what that is.”
“It’s when you’re all, like, dancing, but it’s so easy to tell you’d much rather be naked and dancing. And by dancing, I mean fucking.”
“That’s so stupid. And we weren’t. We were talking about his wedding and about Todd.”
“Who Todd?” Tiggy asked.
“Big ears,” Gary said. “Couldn’t dance.”
“He precious,” Tiggy said. “Turned color of strawberries at all things.”
“Yes,” I said. “He was. And maybe I just wanted to dance fuck with him, not Ryan.”
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that,” Gary said. “Todd was an appetizer. Ryan was the main course covered in dessert.”
“I thought I was the buffet?” I asked, confused.
“You were. It’s… that… okay, too many food metaphors. I’m trying to be subtle here.”
“You’re a talking unicorn,” I said. “Sometimes when you poop, it comes out as rainbows and smells like cookies. There is nothing subtle about you.”