“I will literally give you anything if you don’t read that,” I pleaded with him.
“Can’t help you,” he said, shrugging in apology. “Gary already threatened me with Unicorn Rage.”
“That devious bastard,” I said, trying not to be impressed. “That works on everyone. You know, I’m really starting to regret that I can’t sweat angry glitter.”
The announcer shrugged. “Yeah, it can be intimidating. Sorry about this, Sam.”
“Go ahead,” I said, waving my hand at him. There was really nothing else I could do.
Gary smiled evilly at me.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” the announcer called. “It is with great honor that I present to you a man loved and treasured for his wit and charity, but maybe not for the way he dresses himself. He looks respectable right now because of Gary. If it weren’t for Gary, he would look like a homeless ruffian whom you would think was probably out to steal your wallet. So, thank you, Gary, for the specimen you see before us. We are all in your debt. Sam is currently single and any and all inquiries for a good roll in the hay can be made attention to Gary and Tiggy. Sam likes magic and long walks in the forest. For some reason, he likes ears that stick out. He also likes… seriously? Gary, come on! Oh for the love of—He also likes butts, so please have a nice one. Feel free to attach an etching of your butt so that we may review it for quality. I give you the wizard… Sam of Wilds.”
“Apprentice!” Gary yelled. “It says wizard apprentice. Gods. Good help is so hard to find these days.”
“They just tried to pimp me out,” I said, sounding completely awed. “Why does that always happen in this room?”
“Remember,” Randall murmured from behind me, “I get ninety percent of all your take. Don’t make me slap you. You Randall’s girl, now.”
“Oh my gods,” I moaned. “Please let this be a nightmare.”
But it wasn’t, and after Morgan shoved me in a not-so-gentle fashion, I walked down the aisle. Tiggy kept waving at me as I approached and Gary smirked at me even as I wondered what it would be like to shove my boot up his ass. I was about halfway down the aisle when I spotted someone who I hadn’t even expected to be here.
She stood next to the aisle, her dress expensive and perfect as always. She cooled herself with her exotic folding fan, the handle clearly inlaid with gold.
And she was glaring at me as I approached, even though she technically didn’t know me.
Well. Not this me.
Even with all that I’d faced, dragons and Darks and cultists and fire geckos, she was still my most mortal of enemies.
And today was her victory day.
The president of the Ryan Foxheart Fan Club Castle Lockes Chapter.
Lady Tina DeSilva.
My fluttering heart hardened in my chest.
I wasn’t in control of how this day would end.
I was losing the one thing I wanted.
But this. I could control this.
I curled a nasty smile at her.
Then I realized I wasn’t dressed as Mervin, and her eyes widened as I looked positively murderous.
And I found I didn’t care.
I wouldn’t be going back to the damn meetings.
I was no longer a Foxy Lady.
From here on out, I was a SamGirl4Life.
I paused briefly when I passed her.